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My friend told me I need a counselor for my self- doubt...
Hi, let me tell you a little about myself. I am 13 years old and I have acne. I don't think I'm a pretty girl at all, I do have a boyfriend but he tells me that I'm extremely hhard on myself(of course he would say that he's my boyfriend) , I have C's and D's. I have had anxiety attacks from time to time and I have social anxiety. Now, my really close friend told me I need to get a counselor for my self-doubt. Should I take her seriously?
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This is a question that has to be looked at in different manners.
Lets start with the acne. Acne is a problem of youth and puberty. Seeing a good dermatologist will help you deal with the acne problem. If you can get the acne under control you will feel better about yourself and your self-image will improve. Along with an improved self-image the social anxiety will improve.
Social Anxiety is also a problem of age and puberty. Practically overnight you go from being a little girl to being a young women. Your body changes. The way you dress changes, gone are the undershirts and cotton panties. Out come the bras and satin or silk panties. You may even trade your comfy jeans and pants for skirts, dresses and hose. Suddenly boys are starting to be interested in you. More is expected of you at school and at home. Yes all teenagers suffer from some form of social anxiety at first. It passes as you acclimate to your new social environment and learn how to deal with boys.
Now anxiety attacks are not normal. They do happen but if they are a regular thing they need to be dealt with. To deal with them you first see your family doctor or pediatrician. Then if needed counseling could be a big help.
If you find, and you need to find, a therapist you are comfortable with you can talk about anything and everything knowing that everything you say stays with the therapist. You have total confidentiality. When the therapist speaks to your parents it is about what they can do to help you not what is said in therapy.
For therapy to work you have to be willing to be open and work with the therapist. To take what the therapist says and work at it in between sessions. What happens in therapy is to work at what is causing the stress that causes the anxiety attacks. Once that is found then the therapist will recommend ways to avoid or deal with that stress. The same is true with the social anxiety problem.
One of the biggest problem with social anxiety is peer pressure. Trying to live up to what we believe others think or what we think we need to be. I'll let you in on a secret. Many years ago I found the best way to deal with peer pressure was to ignore it. I developed a motto for myself that has stood me well all the way through to my retirement. The motto; "The only person I need to be better than is the person I was yesterday."
What that meant to me was it does not matter to me if my friends drove better or nicer cars than I or if another salesman made a bigger sale than I did. I knew I was good at what I did and as long as I worked hard and did better learned something new the next day I would get were I wanted to be; obtain my goals; and I did. I was always a leader in sales, I provided comfortably for my family and those were and are my goals.
I'm not saying these are your problems though peer pressure is the biggest part of social anxiety. So if you decide, no one can decide for you, that you would like someone to speak with to help you with this problem. Then do so with an open mind. Ask mom or dad to make an appointment with a therapist for you. Most insurance companies will cover a number of visits or their EAP plan at work will cover the visits.
Just remember you only get out of therapy what you put into it.
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Some face-to-face couselling will help no end. The things you learn you'll have to take back into the real world and actually use though. It's easy to feel 'great, sorted!' during the session, then get it all shot down in flames next day. So start trying to make changes YOURSELF as well. Your description fits into the classic low-self esteem profile perfectly. Think of it as vicious-circles. Your self-esteem is low, you sacrifice the little you have trying to win the approval and esteem of others. It gets lower still. Your grades are a little low, you get anxious and feel inadequate. The pressure makes it harder for you to perform to your full potential next time. They get lower still. Noting feeds on itself like low self-esteem mate. It's self-fulfilling too. The mindset makes you go into a social situation expecting it to be hell...sure enough, it's hell! Curiously, the need to win the approval of others can easily lead to those with low self-esteem being constantly asked to do things, getting you a reputation as someone who is always happy to help. Even if it means putting something you want yourself on hold. Learning to say 'No. Can't right now. I'm busy with....(whatever)" is a good way to start breaking those cycles. Stay cool about it. Low self-esteem can successfully be built back up to scratch. Some already confident people use sort of 'super-charged versions' of the techniques counsellors will teach you to become REALLY assertive and dominant in business situations. It's not all physco-babble and nonsense...it works! It can really hold you back if you don't get it sorted, so get to it. Boyfriend and best mate have read the situation spot-on!
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YES! She's telling you the TRUTH as is your boyfriend. It's not slamming you but they know you have anxiety, social issues and to be honest with yourself very unhappy.
They know that seeing a therapist (not a school counselor)or even a psychiatrist doesn't mean you're bonkers. It just means you need support so you can thrive. They know the level of anxiety and self-doubt isn't normal as is social anxiety like this for people your age.
Talking to a professional is only going to make life for you 10 times better than now. At least try it out. Nothing to lose and everything to gain. Been there. Doing that.
The thing is you are no doubt pretty but cannot see it. Acne is the easiest thing to deal with especially if its a significant amount. Over the counter stuff has NO medicine in it AT ALL and can't break down the bacteria and keep it away that creates acne. You need to see a family doctor for a prescription cream that will work. Often they have free sample tubes you can try out. That worked for me at your age.
As for grades ask for extra help, study a bit harder and even try and get a fellow student as a tutor or involved in study groups to boost it up. It will happen if you really work hard for it. C's are average as are D's but can boosted up over time. You may even want to copy someone else's class notes or in the case of an actual learning problem have someone who does that for you and get extra help.
You could do what college students do and get a micro cassette player (usually digital nowadays) that you see reporters holding in interviews on TV from Radio Shack or The Source if Canadian and put it in front of your teacher or ask them to hold it because you have trouble learning and taking notes. Most will find this okay and encourage you trying.
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