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I need advice on how to rekindle my marraige and avoid divorce
I need some advice from anyone who will respond no smart remarks or judgement please... Me an my wife have been together since we were 16, we're both 20 an we married at 18. I'm in the military an she has always been supportive of my decisions an actions but the other week we had a falling out which has been happening a lot lately. She wants a divorce cause she says she can't do it anymore an that she is no longer in love with me... We have never broken up an she has never left me but I'm not gonna lie I haven't been the best husband an I have a short temper which has always been the cause for all of our arguments. I AM THE CAUSE IF THIS I REALIZE THAT NOW AFTER ALL THIS TIME I'VE BEEN SO NIEVE TO THE SITUATION AN OUR MARRAIGE! She is my life an I love her more than she could possibly imagine I wanna make this work! I told her I'm gonna get help (anger management) an also marraige counseling I wanna do anything that will show her that I can change an be the man that she fell in love with.
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You just have to sit down and talk formally, just hold her tight and tell her you're gonna get help and ask her not to leave, you realise you need help.
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Being a military wife can be hard on any wife. Being very young and a military wife is very hard especially married to an enlisted military man. Low pay and constant deployments are very stressful on both of you.
If this sounds at all like what you argue over and some of the stress in your life. Then the military, whichever branch you are in, is ready to help you. Ask for a meeting with your First Sergeant to discuss your problems and ask for help.
I believe part of the problem may be, for you, PTSD if you have been deployed to any of the conflict zones. This and your ages are working against your marriage. The military has programs to help, especially with anger management. The fact that you are seeking help voluntary works in your favor. Had your wife gone to your commanding officer it would be different I think, may be not in today's military.
The fact is the help is there. It is free and your entitled to it. The core of your problems center, whether you believe it or not, is your military service and your young ages. As I said there is help and you should avail yourself of it.
Thank you for your service.
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Don't turn all that un-managed anger on yourself. There's no such thing as a perfect partner, there's only one who tries to be. Some possibly quite small event will have been the turning-point in all likelihood. And so comes the mindset that it's got to change, justified by the 'fact' that she no longer loves you. Providing you've never over-stepped the mark, and done things that a decent, self-respecting woman couldn't be expected to tolerate then the situation may well be far from lost. The 'I don't love you' may be an attempt to force a change. She knows it will hurt you. She knows it will make you act. You know the change is needed if things are going to work. Rough spots aren't by any means the end. So how do you feel? In her mood and attitude, do you see a quiet sort of resignantion in her? A woman who has simply had enough and wants out? Or a woman who is as keen to make it work as you are, doesn't know how to and is staking it all on a last 'do or die' gamble? An ultimatum. If it's the second option, pull out all the stops. Show her and tell her you mean business. Whatever it takes. There's a 'feel' in your writing that you do, and will. The first case, apathy and coolness? The cold-blooded and rational decision that the realtionship is over? I'm afraid that's impossible to fight. It's one you can only try and learn to accept, and move on. I hope it's the second. If so...get moving while the blood's still hot in her.
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Marriage Counseling.
I am going to be straight forward but you both were and are still young. The columnist below had good advice but one thing I would point out is you cannot win someone over by bribery. You need to gave a sit down with your wife and discuss where it went sour. Sometimes the distance between two people can play a role. if you want to fix things then go to counseling but remember it takes two people not one.
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well, you can do or get her, her favorite things. if she loves italian food, treat her to a night in italy( figure of speech), or i dont know how she is or what she likes, but remind her that you're not just a bad guy, but remind her of that sweet man she fell in love with. continue to take counseling and all that, but yeah, be romantic. again, do something she likes, walks in the park, star gazing, or whatever. good luck
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