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Are Babies Worth Having?
So, I have been with my boyfriend for a while now. I'm not planning on having a family anytime soon, since I decided 24+ would be the best time (done with my degree's and such). But my problem is I have 2 minds about it
on one hand I do want a family with him, I always get told I'd make a good mother and I don't doubt that I would be one (with enough reading and knowledge, etc.) but then I think of all the nasty parts! the labour is one thing, but then there's years of dirty diapers, sleepless nights, etc. etc.
I suppose I just want to know (from parents, women preferably) if it's worth it? Is it really as painful as it looks??(that seems like a dumb question haha)
and also, on a slightly more personal level: I do love my body, I was blessed to get the curves in the right places (not bragging lol)and I found out my mum was very similiar, but after 5 children, well, she lost it fast, though we were all pretty close together? Do you women with children manage to get your body back easily? does it ruin your vagina? (sorry but I just want to know, no need to answer that if your uncomfortable :) )
Thanks x
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
I had my first baby when I was 16. From the time I got pregnant my life was NEVER the same. I lost all my friends, because I couldn't party, or hang out like I used to. Friends I thought would never do that. I didn't have a vaginal birth, I had an emergency c-section. They cut me open while I was AWAKE btw. And I was in pain for months. I bled like I water faucet for longer. I used to be 120 pounds, when I had my daughter, I was 180. I have stretch marks all over my body, in places I didn't know you could GET stretch marks. And I have a giant tongue thing on my stomach. So...skin that hangs over my pelvis, the size of a football. Chances are, since your mother lost her figure, you'll lose yours too. I've done everything I could to lose what I have, but I never could. If I had a choice, I would have waited to have my kids. I would still be free. But I wouldn't give my kids up for anything.
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Being male I cannot really answer the questions about your body for you other than the vagina. I noticed no real difference in my wife's after the birth of our child. If anything she got a bit tighter.
As for your curves I think that is up to you and how much work you put into it. Your abdominal muscles can get weak and stretched to the point that they won't come back as before from multiple pregnancies. For this there is a surgical correction is you want.
As for the other question. You and most of us have, did or will read any number of books on parenting. Nothing really prepares you for the child that enters you world. I use that expression as it is important. The child is coming into your world. You have to make sure the child/baby does not run you. This would be a very wrong thing to do.
Very little has to change when the baby arrives other than you have to prepare a little different for outings and things. You can and should do as you did before the baby arrived. If you can take the baby with you great. Do so just make sure you have the things you will need to care for the baby while you are out. If you cannot take the baby with you make sure you have a reliable baby sitter and means for that sitter to contact you if needed.
Yes there are sleepless nights when they are babies and they stop when they get older. They start again when they become teenagers, start dating and driving.
For all the sleepless nights, the orthodontic bills, cuts, scrapes, the different after school activities they get involved in; school and everything that goes into raising a child. In the end when the finally go off to college and leave then nest you feel so alone and empty. But it is worth every painful and joyful minute of it. Just ask your parents.
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I am not a mother... let me open with that. I know lots of people that have kids, though. I'm 24 and everyone seems to pop out kids these days. Personally, the concept of pregnancy scares the hell out of me... pregnancy and labor... and babies... not my thing...
I've seen women give birth... it looks awful. Here's the thing about childbirth, though. When you go into labor, your body releases a chemical that helps with pain and actually causes your to forget. Lots of women forget how painful labor was and it just becomes something of a dull memory.
Getting your body back after childbirth depends on a lot of factors... how much you gain during pregnancy, your genetic predisposition to being thin or heavy, how your body starts producing hormones after pregnancy... all sorts of things. I've seen peopel that gain a couple of pounds permanently, like my sister who went from size 0 to size 3... and I've seen girls that go right back tot heir normal weight... I've seen girls that never get it back. It all really depends.
Does it ruin your vagina... for a little while, anyway... When you give birth, your vagina tears (or the doctor cuts you) to make room for the head of your baby... they sew you up and give you a routine for caring for that particular wound... but once it's healed up you're not ruined. I'm unsure if you're necessarily THE SAME as before, but you're not RUINED.
All that said... you don't HAVE to give birth. You have other options for a family... I, for example, intend on adopting. Lots of babies all over the globe need a home and a family. You can also have a surrogate mother give birth for you, though that can be extremely expensive.
Right now, I have 3 dogs and a cat... and that's a decent family.
You're 18. You have plenty of time to figure out what you want and how to get it. I'm 24 and not thinking about family planning until I'm at least 28 or 30... My mom had me at 34... Don't rush yourself. Enjoy life. ^_^
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