|
Talking to My Family About Our Christmas Plans (Please Read)
Sorry this is long. I used to have the most awesome Christmases at home with my parents, sister, and grandparents. We had all kinds of traditions that really were a lot of fun and Christmas eve and day were always very relaxed. From 2005 to 2007, I had an aunt, uncle, and cousins come too, but ever since 2008, they've been asking us to come to their house. We have every year since they started asking, but it's been a lot of trouble. There are more of us than there are of them, so it's more expensive, our first flight is always late and makes us miss our layover, we've spent Christmas night in hotel rooms because of trouble getting there, and my uncle always wants us to stay for longer than is convenient. The biggest reason I don't like it is because we don't have our Christmas traditions anymore and it feels like Christmas is too different and much more stressful nowadays. I've gone the past four years because my family likes it, but this year, my mom, dad, and grandparents don't want to, which is a relief. The problem is that my uncle is still asking us to and my sister, who has a type a personality, says she wants to have Christmas at my their house forever and will not have Christmas at home again. It shouldn't be her decision, but I'm worried she'll find a way to get us there. Another problem is that my sister is bossy and when she gets married, she wants us to have Thanksgiving at her house, which won't work because my fiancee's birthday is November 22nd, so it's always on or around Thanksgiving. He has family that lives close and the rest of his family meets in our area for Thanksgiving they celebrate his birthday that weekend. So the only way for my family to be together as well is for us to meet in this area as well. I want us to start having relaxed Christmases again, but I'm afraid if my sister knows I said something to my parents and grandparents about it, especially if her Thanksgiving idea doesn't work either, she'll lose respect for me. I know it sounds like I'm being selfish, but I've always done what made everyone else happy UNTIL it didn't make them happy anymore. Now that most of us want to be home Christmas, I think we should have it, but how do I get it for us and how do I keep my sister from being mad at me?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
.
]
Is there anything stopping your sister from making the trip herself without the rest of the family? If she' s the only one of you who wants to go,tell her to go for it! She'll have to pay her own way of course, or let your uncle foot the bill. Having her away at Chistmas may even make your family happier, if all she does is complain. Tell her; " You want to go? Ok, see ya, bon voyage, have a nice trip. Start hitchhiking now and you might get there before christmas". Tell her you'll gladly help her pack. Who knows? It might even shut her up. :)
]
You can't.
Your sister is going to feel what she feels, and that's okay.
If people in your family don't want to travel over Christmas, than all they have to do, is say so.
And your sister, will feel bad. Maybe even angry, but if individual family members are clear about their decision, she'll be able to make her choice more easily.
The important part is for your family to stick together in their resolve not to go, but to all let her know as individuals about their decision. And to tell her SOON. These plans take time. You can remind her that she is very welcome, and wanted, at the family Christmas celebrations. Remind her that you've come to her several times now, and you might remind her that frankly - your parents are not going to be able to travel to her forever. Eventually, she's going to have to come to them, so there is no reason for her not to make her peace with that now.
Now, if she has small children, you might need to have some understanding for her desire not to travel. As stressful as it is for you to get to her, it's 10x worse if you need to do it with small children, and there is the other set of grandparents, aunts and uncles to consider.
This situation is NOT entirely under your control. Someone in your family might give in, and agree to go to her place, and then you'll find yourself once more going out her way in order to be with everyone. And that sucks, but you actually need to make your peace with that: Cause that's part of being part of a family.
]
More Questions: |