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My mother doesn't care about me anymore
I am 17 and a senior in high school, trying to cope with the insanity of my mother.
Let's start off with saying she has gone overboard. She doesn't ever do anything around the house, she never takes care of my baby brother, and she doesn't ever spend time with my siblings and I like a real mother should. She's always in the garage, on the computer, on her phone, and smoking. Yet she claims she's quitting. My stepdad is in Michigan for two more weeks for a job, and I know she's stressed out, but that gives her NO right to treat me the way she does.
She always complains she never gets a break from my brother. It's her kid. She shouldn't have to have a break from him. I have school, homework, chores, and on top of that, she doesn't clean, so because I can't stand looking at the mess and my siblings don't clean up, I automatically take the stand and clean.
Yesterday, she told me to take my brother to a football party with my boyfriend and his family. There was absolutely nothing to do. She said she didn't feel like watching him. We took him for three hours because she threatened me and yelled at me, saying she'll make me babysit from Saturday to Monday morning (remember, I have school and wake up at 6:30), and so I got my brother and we sat around all day, except for when we took him to the park and pool. So we had him from 3 to 7. She said she didn't care when we brought him home, but when we got there to drop him off, she screamed at me and yelled, "YOU ONLY HAD HIM FOR AN HOUR!" And proceeded to bitch, so my boyfriend and I ignored her and took my brother to the park at 8. She says I never do anything for her. I babysit and clean all the time and she owes me about thirty bucks in babysitting money, and I need it to pay for my senior year.
She told me to talk to her today about how I am feeling, and I did. I told her I am done going out of my way for her because nothing is ever good enough and I miss my mom. I want a mom who spends time with me and chats with me about my relationship. She said she doesn't care and she's not my friend, she's my mom, and she always says I'm ridiculous and being emo. And that's why I don't talk to her about things. She said she doesn't care what I think or how I feel and she's gonna sit in the garage as long as she wants to because she's the adult and she's going to make me watch my brother however long she wants. She said if I don't like the way I am treated, I can move out and live with my boyfriend if "he gets a fucking job". He's graduated and struggling with a job, and he's 18. She is emotionally abusing me. She isn't my friend anymore and all she seems to care about is herself and her husband. She always complains how stressed out she is, and when I try to help, it's still not good enough. I have decided to ignore her completely and not even talk to her. Why do I want to live with someone who doesn't care about how I feel or what I think?
I need help... I am tired of being abused: both emotionally, physically, and verbally. She hits me, pulls my hair, threatens me, and pushes me, and makes me feel absolutely worthless. She doesn't help me with college plans because she said I need to take of my life myself, when I'm still technically only a kid and I have no idea what I am doing. I feel helpless, terrified, and I have no where to turn. I am scared of her and I am crushed that she doesn't give a shit about me. I am so upset that I've lost my old mom. She used to be different before my brother came along. Now, it seems like all I am good for is being the nanny. I hate her with every part of me now. I don't want to live her anymore. I don't deserve this. I'm not a bad kid, I do what I'm told and I make good grades and I just don't think it's right to make me feel worthless. Aren't you supposed to feel safe in your house? Happy?
I'm afraid and helpless. My boyfriend wants me to live with him and his parents, but if I do that, I can't take all my stuff and my cat, because his parents have limited space and are allergic to cats. I'm afraid if I leave, my mom will give away my stuff and I will be a burden to everyone who wants me out. I won't have a lot of transportation to school or anything to pack for lunch like I do here, because I am a vegetarian.
So I'm kind of at a crazy moment. I don't know what to do. I don't want the cops involved or any of my siblings taken away, because I am the only one she treats this way.
Please help... I can't take this anymore. I WANT OUT.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Every story has two sides, the one I'm hearing and the the one the other person might say. Because of that I will not take a side in this.
What I will say is that if you feel your mother is abusing you. Not properly caring for you and your siblings. Then there is help for you and there is a proper way to go about getting it.
Like it or not mom is legally responsible for you and your siblings until you reach the age of 18. Part of those responsibilities is seeing to it you are clothed, feed, healthy and gotten to school. Forcing you to baby sit does not rise to the level of abuse. Making you mother your brother does for both you and him.
What you need is an adult advocate, someone who can speak out for you to the proper people who will see to it that mom lives up to her legal responsibilities as a mother. You will find that person in the form of a trusted teacher or your school principal.
Go to one of them and tell them, calmly, what you have written to us. If need be rewrite what you have written to us. Stick with just what mom isn't doing and what you feel you need to do in order to keep you and your siblings safe and healthy. The squabbling between you and your mom; well many teenage daughters and their moms do not get along and what you said about that may be seen that way by whoever you relate all this too. You can if you wish say something that this has caused a rift and verbal abuse between you both.
The school is obligated to have your allegations investigated. This does not mean you and your siblings will be taken from her. That is a last resort. Instead a social service worker is sent to the home. Based on the findings of the visit there are a number of things, including getting mom the help she may need to remedy whatever may be bothering her. She may be depressed or have some other illness. If so social services will see to it she gets the medical attention she needs so she gets back to the mother you want.
So my advice to talk to a trusted teacher or your school principal and ask one of them for help.
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I know that there's a lot going on and that your life sounds like it really sucks, which as a lot to do with your mom, BUT have you ever stopped to think about her? Yeah, she's the mom. Yeah she's treating you like crap. Yeah she's the adult and she should care about her kids and everything, but it really sounds like there might be something wrong. Instead of accusing your mom of things and treating her like a terrible mom (which is never going to get a good reaction even if it's true), try asking her what's wrong. Ask her why she has changed. Ask her if she is okay. If you show genuine concern for her, you may get better results. Clearly what you've been doing isn't working. She is a human being with issues of her own and you're not much of a kid anymore. Maybe she just needs help. Try the caring approach. Act like an adult rather than an angry kid that expects their mom to be perfect. It seems like she's going through a rough time and you're not giving her much of a chance. Yeah she has a lot of improvement to do and it sounds like she has changed a lot, and she's treating you badly, etc. etc., but there's got to be a reason for all this. If she was a great mom and now she's not, something must have happened. Try to find out what's wrong. Aren't you genuinely concerned? Don't you care about her anymore? Try having a calm, serious, carefully worded conversation with her where you tell her what you're feeling. It's worth a shot, right? If she's going to stay the way she is, you'll be okay. You're 17. You're not really a kid anymore. You can do without her. It sucks, but you're old enough to be alright. Be above all of this. It won't be that long until you're out of there even if it seems it now. Good luck.
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