|
humorist-workshop
she's overstaying her welcome.
wasn't exactly sure what category to put this in.
my boyfriend's sister is constantly staying over our home. every now and then, there'll be a length of time where she might not come over for a whole week, or even sometimes two weeks but it's really she comes over one day a week (always stays the night) into half of the next day cause then she has to work, or it turns into a couple days either in a row or sporadic throughout the week.
my issue is, i have (never been vocalized cause it would just not be a good idea, all hell would unleash) issues with her and i have issues with the fact that both she and my boyfriend never ask if it's ok if she comes over. not that she even ASKS my boyfriend, i've been with them when we're all sitting together and she just outright says,"oh, i'm staying over tomorrow. and i have to wednesday. and saturday." (she works late hours sometimes at her job and cannot get a bus home. which i might understand if she ASKED but i feel she could also tell her job she cannot work that late, she probably took those hours assuming that it'd be ok that she could just crash at our house.)
so during this time she's in our house, i'm not comfortable to do what i want to do. i feel i HAVE to entertain, when i'm never in the mood to. then my boyfriend sits on the computer (we don't own a television so that's all we have to do in our home really, i either read or do a craft or we go outside and do something) so i'm forced to sit there and hang out with his sister, while THEY are the ones that want her there, not i. it puts me in a terrible mood when i'm out doing something and i go on the internet on my phone and see her trying to make plans with people around the area i live in (cause i know that means she's still there after i've left my house) and especially "late night plans" cause i know that means she's going to be staying the night.
my boyfriend never tells her no, sometimes he doesn't even say "ok" to her, he'll just keep doing whatever he's doing and i guess his silence is supposed to mean "yes". neither of them look at me whenever she makes these claims like i have to be asked as well if it's alright. she never asks if we're busy or if i may have something to do. he even at one point told her she could basically live with us...in our small one bedroom apartment. the only time he even asked me if this was ok, was whenever he already told her she COULD. but when he did, i did explain to him as nice as i could that i didn't want to be living with ANYONE right now seeing as we just moved out of homes with our friends where we lived with 8 other people, i liked this privacy we had. yet still after explaining this, he'll tell her she can stay over and the offer's still out there. it's like i don't live there, even though i originally put the deposit down on the rent cause my boyfriend (he DID have the money) got his money stolen from him, i pretty much go and pay the bills (he gives me the money but he always forgets to go pay them so i have to) and 98% of everything in that apartment is mine, i've been working very hard to decorate and furnish this place and make it feel like a home and now i have i barely want to decorate the only other room in the house because that's where she constantly crashes. i've never been thanked for having her over, she never does dishes or anything as a small favor for being there, i clean up after her cigarette ashes and empty bottles of soda she leaves sitting around, i have a couple of her shoes and clothes still there that she's left weeks ago. she even was telling me today how she wished we had a television so she could watch movies whenever she sleeps in the other room, so now i don't even want to own a television anymore, that just gives her more incentive to hang out. he also still tries to cuddle with me and kiss, etc., sometimes whenever she's RIGHT in the next room! that doesn't exactly put me in the mood and then whenever we sometimes have started kissing and cuddling, (we have the bathroom in our bedroom so she has to come into our room to go) she'll just come right into the bedroom with no knocking and then i get all embarassed. HOW COULD WE ALL LIVE TOGETHER?
sorry for this rant, but i'm at my wits end. it's been going on like this the entire time we've been living in this apartment and now i have to worry about all the apartments after that. i just don't know if there's a way to word things so that i get my point across but nobody gets truly offended - i know when it comes to families and girlfriends and issues it's never a good thing. it's getting to the point where i literally just come home, sit around in silence and then go to bed and sleep in till i have to work just so i don't have to be forced to hang out with her and then hope by the time i come home from work she's gone.
i've tried to look on forums and things for any type of advice and everyone says to tell them specific times that they're welcome to say,"oh it's been great having you but i have to get to bed, i have to work in the morning." but that's not going to work, she would just say ok and bye to me and just continue sitting there and then go to bed when my boyfriend decides to go to bed.
just UGHAGHGHGHSDI, what would anybody else do or say in this situation?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
You need to tell your boyfriend that this is a deal breaker.
'Cause it is. This will end your relationship with him. Too much resentment, too much silence and too much disrespect for you two to continue as a couple.
You can't be this unhappy in your own home. If he can't act as a united front with you, and come to some compromises with his sister, then that's it. The relationship is going to end. Sooner or later, you are going to leave him, because no one can live this way in their own home.
That's the truth. It sucks. But it's true. Tell him as much. He needs to understand the stakes here.
If he isn't willing to fight for your relationship and find at least some ways to address your unhappiness with his (and his sisters) behavoir, then it might be time to figure out how to end the relationship and find another place to live.
]
She cant stay with ya'll unless she pays rent ya'll live in a one bedroom apartment.
]
More Questions: |