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Hypocrite boyfriend or worse?
Hi, I am in an interratial relationship and it's proven more that once to be a hard one. Not becuase of the race difference as such but the challenge is in the type. He is Indian and they are known for their jealousy and infidility. The one I am dating, well, I am not sure if he is just being that,a hypocrite, narsisitic, selfish or a womanizer or all in one. He pretends to be something he is not with other women, yet back home he will be abusive, mentally and thank goodness for long now not physically. He drinks only over weekends and then all is said, he admits he makes me feel small, provokes me, say things to hurt me but it is to keep me on my toes. He has met 3 women,he chats on a social site with another 20, he sent nude pics, they sms and call. He accuses me of doing the same. He is allowed to make assumptions but not me. I am not allowed to chat on social sites with other men. When we go out he watches me like a hawk and will say men talk to me to get to me. I am not cheap or easy. I told him I am stronger than him because I allow him to control me while I pretend not to know all his scemes, vain excuses and pretentious ways. I know this is one of those pack your bag and dump the duchebag situations. I do love him though. He knows and admits that he uses me at times and preys on my kindness. He is manipulating and controlling but I know and see all this. When I tell him who and what he is he gets angry. When he picks a fight like now I know it's because he did something wrong and wants to fight and put the attention and blame on me for what he did. I know he won't change, I give him the benefit of the doubt and he knows that. He demands trust and honesty but he lies about things, hide them and acts dumb when confronted when I do find out. How do I handle this man? How do I make him see that I am not the enemy but he is. All I do is be good, be quiet, be faithful and loyal...he does not say thanks you or please. Today he told me to take my words, make them into a stick and go f... myself. He does not even bother to buy chips or juice or do anything I want to do, yet he will offer ,then the offer turns into options, then the options turn into he's preference and then we do what he wants to do. He wants me to tone my legs and get my body into shape but he never give me any support or comfort in any situation, like the two miscarriages I had. He was having a phone fling during the first one by the way. I am just so confused, I read up as much as I can about his personality but it seems he has too many. He does whatever he wants too but I am not allowed to do what he does yet he accuses me of it...thank you for reading me out.
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You know his not right for you so don't waste your own time an amazing man is out there just waiting to meet you and you stuck with a complete moron BUT, if he means that much to you should you decide to stay go to couples therapy and if won't go then you know his not worth it hope that helps:). Jesse XOXOXXX
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This is bound the most intresting question I have seen in a while. And I'm trying not to judge as I see infact do you have any clue what makes him do things such as that like maybe his past or anything, try and wait till he is in a good mood to sit down and talk to him so you can understand a little about the man he seems confusinf but even the most oddest people can be understood a little bit of advice if you really wnt to be with him try your hardest once you know uve tried then you really have to face reallity and think do I really wnt to live this way, trust me a lot of men would love a woman that is loyal and is by his side all the time. This guy your with is really not appreciating what he has. Good luck I really hope you make the right decision
Sincerly ReyRincon :)
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"I know this is one of those pack your bag and dump the duchebag situations"
You've hit the nail on the head there, my dear. So, the inevitable question is, What's taking you so long?
Usually, I will go into the detail of why this person is not right for you. But you have already done that for me. You've picked out all of his bad qualities, and so it's clear you're not blinded by love.
Do you watch Judge Judy? She has a saying, "Don't try to teach a pig to sing. It doesn't work, and it annoys the pig". I.E. Don't try to change someone. They won't change. I hear of people going into a relationship, wanting to change their partner. They think that they have the ability to do that. They don't.
Why would you waste time on trying to change someone to your image, when you can find someone who fits your criteria, and tops it? Why stay with a jerk, when there is someone out there who will love you for you, and cherish you?
I don't know. Maybe it's this "love" thing. You must be a saint to love him. But it's clear he doesn't love you. He may say he does, or you may think it. But that isn't love.
So what now? Speak to him. Tell him how you feel. Then, if he doesn't listen, leave.
That is your only option. And even then, I'm not sure about the speaking to him. If you've already explained how you feel to him and it hasn't worked, then it won't work again. So your only option may be to leave. Leave while you can. One day, he may get physically abusive. Then it will be too late to leave. Saying that, you may leave: in a stretcher. Do you want to see that? Of course not.
So don't hesitate. Don't put off talking to him.
Good luck!
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