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Why is he so defensive of his ex girlfriend?
Hi, we've been dating for 2 and half years now and we love each other. we have just moved in together. he has a young kid with his ex. but whenever we argue he's so defensive of his ex as he says he hates his ex as she hurt him very badly in the past that's the reason they broke up. but i think to my myself, if someone hates so much then why so defensive of her? she is a very manipulative woman. so guys, defensive means still loving her or am i thinking to much? thanks.
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She's the mother of his child.
End of story.
He has to be protective of her. He has to demand respect for her. He has to see some good in her, no matter how badly their relationship ended. If he didn't, he wouldn't be as good of a father to his child.
He doesn't get to 'just move on' and ignore her. He has to face her over and over again, so his emotions towards her are going to take much longer to process.
Does it means he loves her and will run off with her? Absolutely not. What it means is that he know he still has to have her in his life, and probably cares for her - as the mother of his child- not as a romantic partner.
He's been with you for 2 and a half years. Frankly, you should know by now if he is a cheater or not. You should know if he's a good dad, or not.
If he's not a cheater, then he wont cheat. If he's a good dad, he's going to keep on having conflicted feelings about his child's mother, including hating her one minute, and defending her the next.
Don't obsess. Be supportive and let him handle the responsibilities he needs to handle (his child, and that child's mother). Support him in that, but don't take it in on yourself emotionally. Let him know what you think, and how you feel, but remember that all decisions about his child and their mother come down to him.
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He has a lot of conflicted feelings about his previous relationship that he probably hasn't really totally worked out. Some of that may be guilt that he couldn't make it work even though he has a kid with her.
Let me say this, too: the reason hustles and scams are so effective is that realizing you've been taken in really hurts your image of yourself and so people are often reluctant to either admit that they were marks or even if they realized it they don't want it known in a public way that he/she got swindled, so they don't report it. Men, being dominance oriented creatures, especially don't like to fess up when they got bamboozled, as your man seems to have been by his ex. Yet, he knows she was an evil bitch. You see all the inner conflicts going on here?
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Well, I think you're overthinking things.
No-one likes to admit they were wrong, and that may be the reasoning behind it.
You must also realise that she is the mother of his child. However bad she is, she is still the childs mother, and he has to respect that. I mean, you wouldn't expect him to be disrespectful of his own mother right? If someone is disrespectful to your mother, how would you feel? And how much worse would it be if it was your father doing it?
So I think you should cut him some slack. It doesn't mean that he is going to run off with her- it just means that he is moving on from her, and is acting like an adult for the sake of his child.
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