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I don't want to make myself look like I want him if he doesn't want me.
I'm going to try to shorten this the best I can. It'll probably end up really long though..
Ever since the end of my freshman year I had a thing for my friend. He's 20 and I'll be 18 next month. I already graduated from high school and I'm about to go to the same college as him.
So pretty much, I've had a thing for him for 3 years.
We became really close my sophomore year. I had a boyfriend at the same and he helped me with some of those problems.
During my junior year we started texting a lot more. Eventually we told each other how we felt. It was complicated because we weren't sure what to do since he was leaving in January. He said we'd talk about it the next day, we didn't. We didn't talk about it for a couple weeks. I just thought he gave up on me and I became interested in someone else. Eventually I start dating someone else and he gets mad. We ended up becoming friends again though.
I had suspicions on my boyfriend cheating on me and I always went to him for help so he called me and we talked all night on the phone. He told me he still had feelings for me and he wished I was older so that we could be together, stuff like that. He said a bunch of sweet stuff.
Maybe a month later, while I was at their house, he and I hooked up. No sex, just making out and a little more.
After that, he ended up leaving and he'd text me a lot and call me and talk about his life in college. One phone convo ended badly though. He kept talking and talking..I can't exactly remember what happened. Then I said I was gonna go and he said, "Oh ok." I said, "Bye" He said, "I love you" I said, "Bye.." Afterward I ended up crying. I guess something he said hurt me. Then he texted me saying, "I'm so done with you."
We don't talk for 3 months and he texts me and he said that he needed time to grow up. So we became friends again.
He comes home during the summer, we hook up again like 3 more times.
He leaves, we stop talking. I start seeing someone else. Then he texts me again asking about the new guy. No mention of feelings or anything. Maybe a month later he asked if me and my boyfriend have made out. I said yes and he gets all upset. I was clueless.
From then on, we kept it as a friends thing. Until we start talking a lot more like 2 months ago. Like a week before he came home he told me that he still has feelings for me, he wants to try again, no games. I figured it was because he was lonely and his friends had girlfriends or he was homesick. So I kinda just blew that off then he came home and everything was cool. We'd hang out and all that. Then one day he gets so cold. He stops talking to me, hardly looks at me, doesn't text me or anything. I asked him what happened. He told me he didn't feel the same as he did before. I cried in the bathroom for like an hour..
I didn't talk to him for maybe two weeks. Then he texted me saying he missed me. Then we become friends again. We ended up making out again like 2 weeks ago.
At this point, I'm not sure what to do. He hardly texts me and I feel like it's going to be the same thing again. We probably talk like once or twice a week. I feel like I'm in some dramatic movie. I know I should probably call it off but I don't have the guts to do it. I care about him way too much. I haven't texted him, I'm really stubborn.
We're going to the same school at the end of this month. Should I just wait and see and not text him? I don't want to make myself look like I want him if he doesn't want me. I'm thinking maybe he texts me and we start reminiscing about our past, I'll say that I don't want to mess around anymore. I want something more serious.
Idk..and this whole thing between us is a secret. I'm really close to his family..they only know we use to like each other 2 years ago. So I really don't have anyone to talk to about this.
Sorry it was so long. I felt the need to explain everything so you could get a better picture of him and how he is.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Entering college, you're going to meet soo many new people. I wouldn't limit yourself to an old flare. You can't rely on him to decide what he wants, because you want a man who is SURE of what he wants. If he was sure, he would have made you his. So many guys in college are going to see you as worth-while, so don't settle yourself for less than. Any man would be able to make the decision, and it's not ultimately up to him. Don't give him that power. If he wants you before someone else does, he better step up his game, and make sure he respects the hell out of you. Let him make the effort because he's hurt you. The ball is in his court, and he needs to communicate.
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I totally agree with the last person on every way. I couldn't have said it better myself.
One thing to add though;
Don't think "what if". Stop. Be confident, put your damn foot down and go talk to him seriously and like the adult that you are. Don't text him. Do it in person, the DAY you get there. Don't let him slip out of your fingers. He has told you he's had feelings for you, and you treated him as if you didn't care. Don't do that. It will make him want to get away from you. You're causing him to lose interest. It wa because of your own lack of confidence. Do something to boost your confidence right before you talk to him.
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You two are treating each other like shit.
I'm sorry to kick it off on such a strong note, but I'm not sure you've realized what is actually going on here.
You are both game-playing and sneaking AND you are both assuming the other person is game-playing and sneaking too.
If you want to be with him, seriously be with him, stand the fuck up and be counted. Tell him so. No more of this childish "No, you go first!" bullshit. Neither of you are being 'stubborn' at this point. You are both being cowardly and bitchy.
You are both afraid of getting hurt. Newsflash: You are getting hurt right now and it's damn likely you'll get hurt again in the future. The only shot you have at getting your relationship with this guy closer to the kind of relationship you actually want is fess up and speak honestly about what you want.
Then, listen to what he says, and ask him questions and clarify what he trying to express. No more blowing him off when he has feelings. No more assuming he's just being shallow or game-playing.
You want a serious relationship, then you both need to start taking the other person seriously.
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