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Love and Pregnancy
I am 23 and 6 months pregnant. My boyfriend told me when I was a month pregnant he wants nothing to do with me or the baby, he added that the baby is not his. Well I have been working close to a year now and resently got permanent in the company.
No matter how stable my finances are I still feel he should be responsible for the up bringing of our unborn baby untill such age that is stated by the law. I am scared to tell them at work as I only got this permanent job 2 months ago.
My parents are very understanding of the situation but they dont really know how I feel. This is killing me inside.
Please advise on what to do or steps to take in this kind of situation. Thanking you in advance.
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In My Opinion As A Woman You Dont Need A Man . You May Want A Man For Intimacy And Other Emotional Reasons But Youre About To Be A Mother And In His Case He's Not Ready To Become A Man And He's Still On A Little Boy Level If He Wants To Deny His Child . You Have A Very Good Job And Looks Like Youre Able To Support Your Child By Yourself Physically But More Importantly Financially . You Dont Need To String Him Along . The More You Show That You Need Him The More He's Going To Distance Himself From You And The Baby . About The Baby Situation I Would Just Consider Getting Him Where It Hurts The Most .. His Pockets . If He's Not Ready To Be A Father There's No Way You Can Make Him . I Understand You Love Him That's Why It's Hard But For The Sake Of Your Baby Put Your Feelings FOr Him Aside And Focus On You And Your Babys Future (Which Is Way More Important) . And Its Not There Business What You Do After You Leave Work Unless You Want Them In Your Business About This . You May Feel Like He Should Be Responsible But Like Ive Said You Cant Make Him Be In Your Childs Life If He Dont Want To Be .
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First unless your boyfriend can prove he is not the father of your unborn child, the only way to do that is with a paternity test. Until proven otherwise he is the father. If he refuse a paternity test then he by law he is responsible for the child's basic needs until the child is legally an adult, which in the USA is 18 in all states.
You need to see a lawyer and get him into court where he will be ordered to bay child support, keep medical insurance for the child, and possibly be required to maintain a life insurance policy of a certain value until the child is 18.You can also negotiate a college fund contribution from him. Custody and visitation will also be ordered by the courts. Whether he uses the visitation is up to him.
The court at its discretion can order garnishment of wages to cover the costs of whatever the court has ordered. While he can run he cannot hide as there is now also federal law to cover deadbeat fathers.
The law is on your side. The old saying of him having his fun and walking away or him getting 5 other guys to say they had sex with you no longer works. Science can prove or disprove him the father. Refusing the paternity test does not relieve him of responsibility, it does the exact opposite.
So find a lawyer. Don't know one then call the local Bar Association for the area you live in and ask for a referral for a Lawyer who specializes in family law. You need to do this to protect your child and you.
As for your employer there is nothing they can do about you being an unwed mother. Even if you are what is called an at will employee. TO fire you for being pregnant is an EEOC violation. This is something your lawyer can explain better than I can.
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In order to make him legally responsible for the baby in any way, you will need to prove that it is his. I don't know if that can be safely done before the baby is born; that's something to ask your doctor about.
Since he's accused you of infidelity and walked away from the most important responsibility a person can have, I assume that he's not your boyfriend anymore (and if he is, then you might want to reconsider that relationship). You may want to consider whether it's worth it to you to have him part of your life any longer. Laws of custody very from state to state; you should consult a lawyer to see if he gets any sort of rights to see and visit with the child along with his financial responsibilities. Think about whether his money is worth that.
If you decide that it's not worth it, then you should make sure that he signs away any and all claim on the child to avoid having problems come up later. You don't want to have a situation where you have a happy kindergartner whose life is suddenly thrown into a turmoil because this guy shows up wanting to be "Dad". In a nutshell, if he's not ready to take responsibility now, he shouldn't get to show up later when it's convenient for him.
You're eventually going to need to inform your employer that you have a baby, if only to get him/her on your health insurance. You may as well tell them now so that you can arrange for some maternity leave. By law, they MUST grant you reasonable time off for birth & recovery and have your job available for you when you are ready to come back. They don't have to know the details about who the father is and such; that's not their business.
See a lawyer, and find out what the finer legal points are of all your options.
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