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I just don't know what to do...
(I'm sorry, this is going to be long...but I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read it)
I let myself develop deep, deep feelings for someone...who already has a girlfriend...normally it would have been , "Oh well, he's taken. Next!" but not this time. This time, my feelings took over me. Whether or not I was going to try to break them up was never an issue, and still isn't. That's not who I am, and I will never attempt such a selfish act. So, I told him how I felt, but also told him that I'm not looking to sabotage anything and then we continued to be his friend as usual...
But here's where it gets a little trickier...I'm very, very sure that he has strong feelings for me too. And I'm not saying this because of how I feel for him. There are definite signs. (before I go on, I want to say that I have NOT 'thrown myself' at him or anything like that...in fact, I have told him again and again that I want him and his girlfriend to remain together) He wants to spend a lot of time with me, he's always texting me, sometimes late into the night, he is playful, flirtatious and subtly touchy feely with me, (not like "groping" or anything) and tons of other basic "he likes you" signs...plus, he has dropped several hints that his relationship has been on the rocks and that he is unsure of how it will go...he has said that he loves his girlfriend, but has never once mentioned that he is *IN* love with her...now I'm not saying that automatically means that he's not in love with her, it's just a possibility is all...but there are just so many possibilities right now, and it's been emotionally draining...and believe me, it's not like I haven't tried to look for other men, and I've definitely kept my options open, but it's pretty slim pickin's where I live...that's not me being picky, either, it's just how it's been luck-wise...the man I currently have feelings for is quite rare, in that we have so much in common, and the fact that he is a good person.
I have such a strong, strong connection with this man, and he has even agreed with me on that. Now, I know a very easy answer to this for some people might be, "he's a player" blah blah blah...but I don't believe that is the case...again, another easy answer from me because of my feelings for him. We've known each other for quite awhile, and he is a very, very caring, compassionate person, and he has never once made an actual "move" on me...he's just not the 'cheating type'...I think if that is all he wanted, or if he were the type to "cheat", he would have tried to do it with me by now.
I'm so confused and emotionally exhausted...There's part of me that wants more with him so very badly, then there's another part that feels guilty and selfish for doing so, because I don't want anyone to get hurt in any of this...so what am I asking in all of this? I don't know...I suppose part of me is venting and just wanting someone to listen...
I do ask that people be kind in answering...I'm NOT looking to be coddled or have sugar-coated answers, but please, no mean, smart-ass remarks or unnecessary pessimism.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
its going to be hard because the more you talk with him the harder it'll be to stop thinking about him the more he is in your head the more stressful you'll be.what I would do is take a break from each other just to relax for a while. if they ever end up breaking up because you love him then things will only be awkward between you and him trust me this happened to me before and my relationship with her was well awkward she knew it too
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Apart of me is a bit confused
You stated you did not want to sabotage his relationship but you went ahead and freely expressed how you felt knowing he was in a relationship with someone else? This right here is the beginning of putting his relationship at risk. Although it wasn't your intention if you didn't want to come between that then it would of been best to keep your feelings to yourself.
Another thing, You state this man is not a cheater. However if he is directing strong signals at you then maybe that isn't physically cheating but it most certainly is leading his current girlfriend on. Technically, He is playing with her feelings. If he is willing to play his current girlfriend then what makes you think for one second he isn't capable of doing it again?
Maybe in your mind he is the perfect catch but he seems to already to be showing his flaws by not being honest with his girlfriend. This man is also allowing his feelings to get in the way. I'm not being pessimistic but I'm being honest with you. Telling him that you want him to stay with his current girlfriend while after you expressed you had strong feelings towards him is sort of implying that you will be waiting on the side line and to give it thought. It is in no way supportive of his relationship, There are boundaries when it comes to respecting someone and hence there was no respect for his relationship there.
Now one last thing, I'm not saying not to date him if it doesn't work out with his current girlfriend but because you pretty much did come between his relationship I just hope it doesn't backfire down the line. Right now maybe the spark is there between the two of you but if anything does happen I hope he doesn't end up resenting you for breaking him up to begin with. Anything can happen , Nobody can predict what the future holds no matter how strong of a connection we may have.
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