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humorist-workshop
adopted and feeling disconnected
hi i was adopted when i was ten, eight years ago. my brothers and sister do not accept me. they were grown and out of the house. they told my mom that they didnt want her to adopt me before i was adopted and later said that they hoped she could be as great a mother as she was to them. i had a lot of ups and downs growing up and my non-adopted siblings got to hear all about it. they and i are very distant apart and when they are around. they sometimes act like they hate seeing me. i would never call them on my own nor would they call me. i'm afraid that they will never like me and we will be a dysfunctional family like my mom said. earlier this year before my parents went out of town, they went out to eat with my brother and the next day went out to eat with me. it could not be at the same time. i'm afraid it will be forever like this. this year my brother that lives out of town and his wife had a baby and he invited everyone down to see him but me. sometimes they act jealous and beg my mom not to give me a dime for anything. though i dont ask and wouldnt ask her for anything for that reason. i hate being adopted. maybe it would be different if i was an adopted baby but i wasnt. i never was able to know my real family because i was adopted and now i have no family because i was adopted. i recently learned of my real family and they dont seem to care that i exist. i call my great aunt and she seemed to hurry me off the phone. i met my great grandma once before she passed and she seemed very sad that i never got to know my family. she loved me very much. when i was a little girl and i was with my real parents, no family helped us when my parents came to them in need. none would take me in and they knew my parents were struggling.
i never experienced the specialness of having a family. i experience what the great qualities of family vicariously through television. i enjoy the special bond between a mother and a daughter on tv. and more. i have visited my real family and there seems to be a special bond between us though we never knew each other. possibly because the idea that we share dna? i use to dream up of becoming a millionaire and giving great gifts to all my family. as i grew older i realized that i couldn't buy anyone's love. im never around my real family, they live too far away but they never call or write. the family i was adopted into, i dont know how to win their affection and be a family like i always wanted us to be. they would never love me by choice. how could they if they dont have to be around? should i even care about having their affection? i could always marry and have a family but it would be sad for the children to see that the majority of the family that cares about them would be on the father's side.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Have you ever tried writing your siblings a letter on how you feel? Sometimes people don't understand things until it's told to them.
Either way, I agree with Adviceman
The best thing you can do for yourself is to move on. Do what is best for you, Get an education and meet someone who love and appreciate every bit of you. Go off and make some friends, Get a good job and live your life. Be happy, Only you can make the change. In the meantime try to get yourself into counseling it may help you cope and feel better about things.
Like always said......
"Be the change you wish to see in the world" -Ghandi
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I'm sorry your adopted family treats you as they do. Adopted children are special and your adopted mother is your mother who loves you and cherishes you or she would not have adopted you especially at the age of 10.
I have a cousin who is adopted. He is 2 years younger than me. He was adopted as an infant by my godparents who I loved dearly. We were both told he was adopted at the same time. It had to be explained to us what adopted meant as we were that young. He's my cousin plain and simple. Adopted, bio makes no difference.
What the problem is with your adopted siblings I can't say. What I can say, and write this down, is one day they will need you. When that day comes and it will, you can be gracious and help them or you can turn your back on them as they have on you. I would hope you would be gracious and help them though I would understand the satisfaction of turning your back on them.
For now the heck with them. You just go on and be the best you can be. Get yourself a good education. Find yourself a good man who will love, honor and cherish you the way you deserve to be cherished. Have a family you will love and keep safe.
What you can do for yourself today is; find a good therapist to talk to. Someone that you can confide in, who will keep your confidence and help you get right with all that is wrong.
Being adopted is not something you did wrong and not something you should be blaming yourself for. Yet in all you have written I hear and underlying scream that this is what you are saying. That is so wrong. There is no blame here for which you need to take responsibility. Any blame here is all on others and this is why I am suggesting you speak with a good therapist.
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