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My father never tried to fix his 3 marriages. Now he won't fix ours.
I have to say, I've done my best to defend my father. I saw the frowns on others faces when I had to tell them "Daddy couldn't make it." Worst of all, it took 7 years to find out he didn't even try but only twice. A play I was in because I had a lead role, and graduation. I was in marching band and had tons of competitions that weren't far from him. He never came to a single one. I was in 10 plays in high school. He promised me when I was little that he'd take me to the county annual father-daughter dance. For 5 years he promised. When he cheated on my mother when I was 10, I saw everything and understood everything. I couldn't afford to be naive. He was never home. It was either work or music for him. Music still rules everything he does. He's actually the music director at his church. My father delved into drinking (he doesn't anymore) when he was with my 1st stepmother. The day they ended everything, she went psychotic and began yelling and throwing things and even broke 2 of his ribs. I understand he was hurt, but he left me (11) and my brother (5) alone with the same woman the rest of the day. He just ended his 3rd marriage with a wonderful woman who tried hard to make him involved in my life. I finally snapped at him. It started off with him saying that "it hurt his heart" to see me influenced by awful people. Talking about my future inlaws. The very people who saved me from my lonliness. I was so alone before them. Then their middle son and I fell in love and I couldn't be any happier! All my dreams are coming true with the support of this family. Ever since I told my dad everything I've felt for the past 12 years of my life, he said they weren't my feelings and I was being told to feel this way. I was destroyed by those words. He hasn't listened. I've tried to talk to him. I've been the one to fix everything before. But now I want him to try. Which he's never done a day in his life. He's even asking my mom to cut his child support in half. My mother has to get a 2nd job and he's going out getting tatoos and a new truck! He fasted for a month and in my heart I hoped God would show him how he's hurt me, my mom, and my stepmom. It's been a month since he's finished and he still hasn't spoken to me. I'm not hiding from him. My birthday is in a few days, and something inside of me just knows, he's not going to call. I'm getting married in a few months. And he may not even be the one to walk me down the aisle. I don't hate my father. I really don't. I just want him to try. And to accept me for who I am for once. I've prayed for weeks. Prayed for him to just say he's sorry and mean it. That's all I want. Understanding from him that he's actually done something wrong. I'm still hurting. I'm looking for someone who's willing to help me. And be willing to talk to me through this. My fiance hates seeing me hurt but he doesn't know what to do. Please? Someone help?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
The first thing you need to understand is that you have done nothing wrong. Most children, especially when young always feel they had something to do with parents divorcing and is why one parent ignores them. This is very, very wrong. Children have nothing to do with their parents divorcing.
Some parents, such as your father, just never grow up. It is always me first and everyone else is second. They feel they brought you into the world and the rest is up to the other parent. Wrong. Again not your fault, but you do get hurt as you love both your parents and want both of their attention. It is hard to understand when your little whey daddy isn't there to see you preform.
I have only two suggestions for you. The first is you find a therapist to talk with. You need to vent all the pent up anger issues you have with your father to someone who will keep you confidence. A therapist is a great option for two reasons. 1) The therapist is a total stranger, a PHD that you can be totally open with knowing that what is said will stay in the room it is said in. @) once said the therapist can help you deal with those issues that come out and help you relieve the stress you are under. WE are not going to change your dad, though we can help you deal with the anger.
As for your Wedding. Dad has never been their in the past so I wouldn't count on him now either. If I were you I would give serious consideration to not inviting him, but that's just me.
You can have your mom walk you down the aisle or you mom and her current husband if she is married. Another choice would be to have mom and your current step mom do the honors.
You also speak quite highly of you future in=laws. Another consideration is to ask your future father in-law to walk you down the aisle. Then of course are a brother if you have one or Uncles.
As far as I know it is not written anywhere that it must be the father of the bride that walks her down the aisle. Just someone who loves her.
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