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Too young to get married?
I have been dating my soulmate for around 9 years now, starting when i was 11 and now that we have graduated he thinks it's time to get married, his bestfriend warned me he is planning to propose this weekend and I'm only 19. I know i want to be with him for forever and I love him soo much! My parents and his always make snarley comments about how marriage at a young age is over rated and we used to agree when we were younger, but now all we want is to just be with eachother and his folks don't beieve in living with eachother before marriage, so that is a big part of wanting to get married ASAP.
But my question is, Am i being blinded by love and will me saying yes to him this weekend be a mistake?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Well the answers before give a good summary of what I would say. But think of it this way.. if you're going to be together forever what's the rush? I'm sure you two are very much in love, but think about getting married, planning a wedding. If you're going to be together in your mid 20s anyway, why not wait until you're older to plan it? My mom and dad met when they were young and married when they were 22. I know thats a bit older than you but my mom always says when she hit 26-28 and her friends were getting married, she wished she had waited to do it differently.
Keep that in mind, theres no rush if you're going to be together anyway.
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no ur not too youn my mom married when she was 16
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Let me add to what NinjNear said.
I see nothing wrong with getting engaged as there is a big difference between being engaged and marriage. You have been going together for 11 years. I think your comitment to each other can stand 4 more years, being engaged, while you finish college.
The young marrages that fail do so over money problems. Today is not the time to go out in the job world without a college degree, perferable in a marketable skill. Right know I am able to hire college graduates for entry level positions where before the economy took its down turn College graduates would not even apply for these positions. Fast food companies are hiring college graduates for store managers were before they brought them up through the ranks starting as order takers or hired from other franchises. Kids with just high school diplomas are finding it very hard to find a job right now.
If you are not college material then go to a trade school and learn a marketable trade. Plumbers, Electricians, carpenters, computer repair, Paramedic. These skills are very marketable and pay very well. Any skill in the medical field will always be in demand and pays very well.
Securing a future together has to include a stable economic future before taking the walk down the aisle. If you do that, be it through a college education or Trade School your marriage has a greater chance of survival.
While marriage is not all about sex, I do believe his parents are wrong about living together before marriage. Living together allows you to really get to know the other person. People look a lot different in the morning when they wake up then they do after they have showered and had breakfast, they act different to. Will he be a helpmate or expect you to do all the household chores and so on.
You two are both legally adults and it is great that you want to honor his parents. Fact is they cannot stop you from living together. They can disapprove but that is all they can do.
So if he does propose this weekend there are three possible answers other than no you can give him: 1) Yes, and plan a wedding. 2)yes, but I want a long engagement during which we will work to provide for a solid financial future or 3) Ask me again in 2 years when we are more mature and have a better financial footing.
Good luck. and I hope when the wedding does take place you have many, many years of wedded bliss.
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My husband and I were engaged at age 19/20, so I can tell you that it does work, at least sometimes!
What we did was have a 4-year engagement. It gave us time to grow up a little more, get to know each other as adults, get over those big life changes in your early 20s, while still making a big commitment to one another. The thing about engagement vs. marriage is that marriage is a legal commitment. It's a lot harder to break, so you want to be darn sure before you do it. There's no shame in a long engagement.
Now, I know you say that his parents don't believe in living with one another before marriage, but that's a tradition I highly disagree with. The transition to marriage was easy for my husband and I because we had already been through all the arguing over chores, bills, household stuff and finances. If you've never lived with the person before, that will all come crashing down on you the moment the honeymoon period is over and it will feel a lot heavier than if it's dealt with ahead of time.
If the worry they (and you) have is you guys staying abstinent until marriage, it's totally possible to do that. I have friends who lived together for 3 years before getting married, and they waited until they were married. Living together is not about easy access to sex, it's about learning to live with the other person... because that's the commitment you're making when you get married!
Either way, I can tell you that it is very possible to know from a young age. Just don't expect it to be an easy ride when you do start living together, because it's not, no matter how long you've known the other person. It's a lot of bickering, a lot of compromise and a lot of "Eew, you clip your toenails on the couch!" But with the right person, even that stuff can be fun to navigate :)
We can't tell you if you're blinded by love. Only you can figure that one out. My suggestion would be to give it a little time. Have a longer engagement to give you the chance to really get used to the idea of being married. Think out the logical, boring stuff (where are you going to live, who's bringing what, how do you feel about kids/money/chores) before you leap into what is, essentially, a legal contract. A really awesome legal contract.
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