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Not allowed to go anywhere.. even for a walk!

Question Posted Sunday June 24 2012, 10:39 pm

I'm 19 years old, and I feel as though I'm treated like such a child.

I live with my Dad, and I usually stay at home all day unless it's to go to the YMCA or work but other than that, I can't really go anywhere!

It's summer now, and I'm not in school. I want to wake up in the morning, and take a walk by the lake, and in the park. My father doesn't want me going.

I've gotten into a fight with him over simple things like taking a walk around the block, or going for a run. He gets so suspicious and thinks I'm up to no good.

I'm not a house hermit, and I hate staying inside. I've always been outdoorsy since I was a kid. I love going out, I love adventure, I love exploring.

I want to be able to go outside, take walks, walk in a travel, go take a train to downtown Toronto, or go to those meet up events from those websites.

My Dad won't let me, and he even insists on driving me EVERYWHERE including to the YMCA which is 15 minute walk from my house. I appreciate that he drives me around, but I need my independence and I need my space.

I want my life and I want to live it in a way that makes me happy. I feel like a bird trapped in a cage, quite honestly.

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stephaniediana answered Monday July 2 2012, 5:14 pm:
I am sorry to hear that you are going through this at your age. I have been speaking to a lot of young adults lately that are going through the same issues. I would like to hear more details about your story, please email me when you have a moment:

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lydialove764 answered Tuesday June 26 2012, 11:19 pm:
It seems like your father has trouble letting go. You should take him aside and tell him how you feel. Tell him that you don't want to make him upset, but that you are an adult and should be treated like one. You need to experience things for yourself. It might take a while, but he should see that he can't hide you from the world. Good luck!

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walkingtravesty answered Monday June 25 2012, 5:31 pm:
Um maybe your dad is just protective. Maybe he's just worried. But if you feel like your trapped in a cage, maybe you need to tell him that you want your freedom. I was allowed to go for walks at the age of 12...
But to be honest, if your dad doesn't let you walk around the block, maybe he doesn't trust you. Maybe you've done something in the past. If so, you need to earn his trust, and show him that you can be trusted. But seriously, talk to him. It's not fair for a 19 year old not to be able to walk 15 minutes by herself.
ASK HIM WHY. Tell him that he needs to give you reasons if he expects you to be OK with it. I don't know. good luck... :)

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adviceman49 answered Monday June 25 2012, 11:42 am:
You have not given a reason why your dad does not trust you. As a general rule fathers are over protective of their daughters. A son is a son until he is a man. A daughter will always be daddy's little girl even when she is all grown up and has children of her own. a double standard; yes, but it has always been that way and even with all the freedoms women have won this will never change.

Now you are an adult, yes and you live at home. There is an old saying that most parents have, one I have used myself; that says if you live under my roof you live by my rules. Now that is not to say I agree with your fathers rules. For some unknown reason he is being overly protective of you.

When you finish school you will go out into a world that you are truly not prepared, socially, to go out into. Your teenage and young adult years are your socially training years to prepare you for life without the saftey net of your parents security. Once you reach age 18, regardless of what dad may think, in the eyes of the law you are an adult responcible for your own actions.

So what can you do about your present situation. You have a number of options. First: You can try talking to your father and let him know you are of adult age responcible, by law of the land, for your own actions. You need more freedom to experience life outside the safety of your home if you are going to be able to take what you learn in school and make a career for your self.

Option Two. Talk dad into allowing you to attend a College where you can live in a dorm. This will be harder to do as it will require dad to give up his control, which is the main problem here. Dad is a controller. The saving grace in this option is that many Colleges, especially an all girl college have strict rules by which you live that dad may agree to. Benefit to you is you are on your own and their rules are less strict than dads.

Option Three: You can get a full time job and find an apartment or share an apartment with someone. You finish college by going part-time at night. Dad won't like this option though there is nothing he can do to stop you as you are an adult. It is though a good barganing chip to use if he turns down options 1 and 2.

Without knowing why dad is so untrusting this is the best advice I can offer. I hoe it helps

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orphans answered Monday June 25 2012, 5:55 am:
Have you spoken to your dad about it? It's honestly the only way to solve it.

Have you done anything before that he may have seen as breaking his trust? This may be the reason. If not, it may just be him being over-protective because he cares about you.

You do need to realize that he is doing what he is doing because he thinks it's in your best interest. He just wants you to be safe.

But you do have to talk to him about it. It may seem awkward, but its either that or you live with it.

Calmly ask if you can speak to him, and ask why he is so over protective. Don't be angry, upset, or defensive. Speak to him about his worries, and explain that you are an adult, and that you want to have your own space and time to do things that you enjoy. Just explain how you feel.

That's all you can do, and so forgive my advice being short.

Good luck :)

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