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One of my closest friends is having sex with a bunch of guy.

Question Posted Wednesday June 20 2012, 9:36 pm

We are 15 years old. She has had sex with a numerous amount of guys. I don't get why she is doing this. She was molested by her piano teacher as a kid. We got her help for that. The man is in jail for life now. He has done that to 3 other girls. She was also molested by a boy at summer camp when she was younger too. She is terrified of men, so why is she having sex with all these guys? I am trying to help her but she isn't listening. She is on medication for other reasons. She has had a number of other things wrong in her life. Why isn't she taking the help that is offered to her? I am do scared she is going to end up pregnant or with an STI. How do I get through to her. Also her parents know she is having sex. They found condom wrappers in their basement where she has sex. Also my other grirbd told them she has been having sex. Help me please! Urgent! I am so scared

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Imperfectionist answered Wednesday June 27 2012, 3:30 am:
you said she got help? but did she really get the help she needed? is she counseling? i mean the girl wasn't sexually abused just once, but twice by two different people who she trusted. even though you aren't her parent ask them to get her help. go to an adult a guidance counselor of the sort. your friend needs help whether she knows it or not. and she may even be pissed when she finds out but if you are a real friend... you won't care

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JustJessOx answered Thursday June 21 2012, 5:24 pm:
Hey there,
It's possible that your friend associates affection with sex.
It's often the case with sexual abuse victims. They long for love and attention from men and so to obtain that they have sex. I know it may not make sense to you or I, but it is a coping mechanism for your friend.

She has to see that what she is doing is lowering her self esteem further. She is degrading herself and is ultimately going to make a name for herself.
The best you can do is just continue to be there for her like you have been. Be supportive and show her how beautiful she is. How she is worth something. How she doesn't need to have sex with random guys to feel like that.

what happened to her was awful. Two vile men, no strike that creatures,took advantage of a young vulnerable girl. Try to make her see that they were animals,not all men are like that. There are some truly loving,honest,decent and kind men out there. Try and explain to her that she shouldn't let these men define the rest of her life.

Is she seeing a counselor or therapist? Perhaps express your concerns to her parents. Suggest counselling. She will reach out for help eventually. Just stay strong and let her know you are there for her no matter what.
You are a great friend.
Good luck and much <3
Jess 18/f

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adviceman49 answered Thursday June 21 2012, 12:07 pm:
I really wish there was something I could tell you to do that would help her, but there is not. Her parents are aware of what is going on and from what you have written I assume she is being seen by the proper medical doctors for the proper care.

Other than than being a friend and helping her to see that the boys she is having sex with are using her. There is not much you can do. I could go into a long explanation as to why she may be doing this. Fact is it does not matter that you understand the why. What matters is that you understand young boys her age see her as someone who will allow them to use her for sex. There is no love only lust involved here.

Part of the problem has to do with low self esteme and lack of what she feels is proper love. She will not find the love or the esteme she is looking for by being the schools sex queen. This is what you need to help her with.

You need to show her that she has selfworth, that others find her worthy of her friendship. That she is loved and that these boys are only lusting for what she is giving them.

This is very hard to do even for adults. You may and I suggest you do, whant to talk with her parents to see what exactly you can do to help them help her.

This is a good thing you are trying to do. Don't feel bad if she reject you. She is not rejecting you, she is rejecting the help you offer. Keep trying if you can.

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