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Difference in belief with boyfriend
Hey everyone, I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and 3 months and I know you hear people say this all the time, but I really do love him. A while ago we got into a political discussion about electric fences around the perimeter of countries to keep out immigrants. I disagree with this idea and made this known to him. He however, said he thought it was a good idea. When I asked him if it was right for a child to innocently attempt to get into the country, get shocked and die, he responded 'you have to crack some shells to make an omelette'. This really shocked and upset me.
He has quite a dominating father and two brothers which he's always had to compete with. He is also a little insecure from some childhood difficulties. These reasons are why I think he might be saying things like this as part of his tough guy act.
However, I have an obsessive personality and I just want to feel better about this because the topic is very central to my personal beliefs, and although I love him unconditionally, it would tear me up to think he believed in such atrocities.
He's a loving boyfriend and wonderful person and has always been there for me. What are your thoughts on the situation and what should I do?
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You need to asses how important agreeing on these topics is to you. Obviously when you are in a relationship (I've been in one fr 2.5 years) you are going to find plenty of things that are different between you two. It's okay to disagree, but the MOST important thing you have to establish is respect for the other person. You have to respect the fact that he doesn't agree with you, and he needs to respect how you feel about the subjects as well. Next time he starts with the "tough guy" act, you may want to bring up that it's okay if you don't agree, but he needs to understand that you don't have the same beliefs. It's hard when it comes to politics not to try to convince the person you love to think your way, but it's not always the healthiest thing to do in a relationship. If he loves you he needs to respect your opinions and there needs to be a mutual understanding of that.
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Like she said you might just want to let this be. If I was in your shoes I'd be upset to. But this is just what he thinks right? He not in over seeing this(meaning he can't really do what he think)right?As long as he can't do any of this or hurt any one just leave him be. However if this is his "tough guy act" you need to make him drop it. He should not have to act tough guy around you..let him know that. I believe in being real with one an other. I'd like to know what he really thinks when he not putting on an act. You know him better then I do so you should try to see if it an act or not.If it is you know what I think. If not leave it be.If I have something to say I'm going to say it, I don't know about you but I some time like to go out of my way so we don't fight.
Hope I help,
June
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This is the most fun part of any relationship... the part where you get to find out what parts of you fit together and what parts don't!
When my husband and I were dating, he was a Baptist Christian and I have always been an atheist. One of the biggest arguments we've ever had was when he came to me and told me that he was worried about me, because when I die I'm going to hell, so he thinks I should accept religion. I didn't take it so well, and he came back to me later, saying that he's decided that that teaching is wrong, because he doesn't see how a good person can go to hell just for different beliefs.
Moral of that story is that people are fluid. Especially when you find someone who is amazing and makes you see the world in a different way. My Baptist boyfriend became my atheist husband, and that's a huge switch. It wasn't me forcing him, it was just him re-evaluating because I opened his eyes to a different way of thinking.
So yes, it is totally possible for him to change his mind about this. It's also possible that he will never change.
In that case, it's a matter of agreeing to disagree. People who are compatible don't necessarily agree on everything, even things that are central to their personal beliefs. I have always wanted to be an organ donor; my husband is totally against it because he thinks it desecrates bodies. That's a case where we've learned to work around it. He understands why I made the decision I did, but doesn't like it. Sometimes we need to accept our loved ones warts and all.
Now, if it's a topic central to your life (for example, your family were illegal immigrants) you may have some trouble. If Greg is against homosexuality, but Sally is bisexual, chances are their relationship won't last. If it isn't a huge sore spot that would come up every day, it might be best to leave it be for now.
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