I have a friend who has a partner,but lately,he has been calling me a lot telling me how much he misses me when he doesn't see me for a while or how much he needs me,in the night when he's in bed he sends me several texts saying'I wish you were with me right now'or'I'd like to spend the whole night hugging you',plus he knows I'm in a relationship so I don't know why he would tell me all these things.All I can do is laugh and asking him to stop talking nonesense,I don't wanna be disrespectful either,because I appreciate him as a friend,what can I say to him? Thanks!
[ Answer this question ] Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category? Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life? SalenciaM answered Monday June 18 2012, 4:39 pm: If I were you, and you care about the relationship you are in,..only respond to the text messages hes sends you if they are casual and friendly. any text that implies that he misses you or wants to be flirty you should completely ignore or tell him to stop. This way he will get the message. There is clearly something wrong in his relationship that is pushing him to get attention else where. You don't want to be in a situation with a guy who is like that..especially if he is dating someone else as well. [ SalenciaM's advice column | Ask SalenciaM A Question ]
Xui answered Saturday June 16 2012, 10:48 pm: You do not want to be disrespectful but you allow him to be disrespectful to you?
You are in a relationship, You need to tell him to stop texting you. Unless you become firm and explanatory he is not going to get the bigger picture. Kindness can sometimes send the wrong message and before you know it he may be thinking you are interested. Seriously, Tell him to back off a little bit. If you do not be stern his actions could very well hurt your current relationship. [ Xui's advice column | Ask Xui A Question ]
ohmylanta answered Saturday June 16 2012, 10:09 pm: well this is when you have to have a DTR with him. DEFINE THE RELATIONSHIP. Ask him how him and his partner are doing, talk about your relationship, and then define that you two are just friends. let him know that the texts he sends are not honoring to his relationship and you arent a big fan because it makes you feel uncomfortable or you get mixed signals. :) [ ohmylanta's advice column | Ask ohmylanta A Question ]
Razhie answered Saturday June 16 2012, 9:55 pm: He's the one who is being disrespectful, and your best bet is to tell him so.
Look, any 'nice' way you tell him to shove off, he is likely to interpret as more of the flirting that he is currently involved in. A gentle 'no' isn't a clear 'no'. You are going to need to be clear.
"It makes me really uncomfortable when you say things like that."
"I don't think it's respectful of either of our partners when you say those things to me."
"You might just be joking, but I do not think it's funny."
"If we are going to stay friends, you are going to have to stop that."
Be brutally clear, and don't just make one major conversation about - continue to stand up for your boundaries every time he crosses them.
If your friendship can't survive you standing up for you clearly asking for this kind of basic respect from him, then it's not much of a friendship to begin with. [ Razhie's advice column | Ask Razhie A Question ]
laynemayhem answered Saturday June 16 2012, 8:23 pm: I know plenty of guys like this. Sadly, being in a relationship doesn't mean anything to most guys. They'll still cheat whether they love the girl (or boy) or not. What you need to do is sit him down when you two are alone. Face him, make him aware that you need his full attention, and that he has yours. Tell him straight up that you've been feeling a little awkward. Tell him that you don't feel right when he says those things you mentioned earlier, and also remind him that he has a girlfriend and its not right. But don't be mean! Tell him you appreciate him and love him AS A FRIEND. And tell him you don't want any more, or any less than a good friend from him. With guys, they don't catch little hints that girls try to send. You have to be up front and firm. Don't sugarcoat anything. Don't beat around the bush. Tell him exactly what I just said, ad-lib wherever you find the need necessary. Its going to be hard, he might get his feelings hurt. He may even try to deny that he has feelings for you. But you're not stupid, you can tell when a guy is into you, right? Right. So, like I said, stay firm, be up front, don't sugarcoat, don't beat around the bush, but also be respectable. Hopefully, this will give him the heads up that maybe you're not so into the idea of cheating on your boyfriend. And that you don't condone him cheating on his partner.
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