|
i thought moving on was suppose to be fun?
21/F
I don't get it... all my friends have always told me that the best part of moving on is finding someone new to share my life with but i just find it depressing. Every time i start to get close to a new guy I'm with it just reminds me that they're nothing like my ex and i end up crying, even after sex i just feel this overwhelming amount of sadness that the guy i just slept with wasn't my ex and i literally start crying and have to excuse myself and go home and cry myself to sleep... All the time. the saddest part is the guy i sleep with actually is a genuine guy but idk whats wrong with me. My ex made it clear that he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore, i even sent him a birthday present and he never said thank u or anything.. When does this start getting easier and why cant i just let myself be happy with someone else? I really am tired of living in the past but it seems by moving on I'm just settling for second best since i cant have the one person I've always wanted. By the way I'm a senior in college and I've been with this one guy since my sophomore year in high school but weve always been off and on.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Moving on is the worst. It really is and I can relate because I'm going through something fairly similar. The thing is- you need to WANT to move on and commit to doing it. It's easier said than done but you need to find who you are as an individual again. He was a part or your life, surely exactly who you were meant to be with at the time, but now you have an opportunity to explore and find love somewhere else someday. Because at the end of the day, you are perfectly fine on your own. Though it feels otherwise, you are. You just need to own your independence again. Do things that make you happy. Hang out with your favorite people. Watch your favorite movies. Trust yourself to move on. You can do it. And dont go looking for love... Let it come to you.
]
hey, first of all i just want to say that moving on was never really a fun thing. it is the hardest part of loving. i just want to tell you that maybe you shouldnt start dating yet. if you feel like all the guys you date arent making you happy or isnt like your ex then you should stop dating for awhile and start keeping your mind on other things. i know how it feels to try and forget the only person whom you've loved so much and who seemed so perfect. i know what it's like to cry yourself at night just thinking why couldnt it just be the two of you together. but you know what? it's just a phase in your life that you have to overcome. yes, moving on is not easy but when you try to ACCEPT everything that WAS and never will be again, moving on gets easier. forgetting someone that's been a big part of your life is a real pain in the heart but keep in mind that you LOSE someone to HAVE SOMEONE BETTER. and after all the pain your going through you become a stronger person. ;)
]
Moving on doesn't necessarily entail jumping on the first guy you see and starting another relationship. Actually, that's one of the worst ways you could do it.
Especially if you're coming out of a long-term relationship, you're going to need some time to re-evaluate. Focus on yourself and the relationships you have going now. Think seriously about what it is that you want. Look back at your relationship with your ex and see what good and bad you can pull from it: then you'll know what you are looking for (or not looking for) in a future man.
If your ex ended things, you should still consider yourself lucky. Obviously it wasn't a good match on one end or another, and he was saving you from an even harder fall later on. I know I ended a perfectly good relationship just because I didn't see a future with him, even though he was an amazing guy. I know, it's hard to think logically about these sorts of things, but try :)
So take time for you. Explore your options. Now that you're single you can do all sorts of things that you might not have while in a committed relationship - like teach English in Japan, or travel the world for a year after graduating! Make plans for you, and later on down the line you can find someone who can be accommodated into them.
]
Your hanging on to a lost love. There is an old saying that says; "if it was meant to be it would be. You may have been with your ex for four years and maybe he was your first lover(er) or first true love.. The fact that your relationship was on and off as you put it tells me it was not a love meant to be.
If he was your first lover it is harder to leave him in the past as we always remember the first person we have sex with, good, bad or indifferent. Your real true love is still out there waiting for you someone who will honor you and cherish what you bring to the relationship. A relationship is more than just sex. It is having fun just being together doing things the other likes to do.
An examble would be my wife and I. Until I was disabled we had a good sex life and did many things outside the house. We traveled and took our son to many places. Then an auto accident left me disabled with chronic back pain making sex painful for me and travel impossible. We worked around that aspect and found cooking together as a replacement for travel. We have a relationship built outside our sex life.
I'm guessing but your ex may not have wanted a relationship outside of a sex life. He may not have wanted a marriage at this stage of his life so he told you he was done with you. Not your fault but it is his loss. That is the way you need to look at waht happened. He lost a great gal, a great companion and someone that would have made a great wife. He may change his mind.
My suggestion to you is not to take him back for he will hurt you like this again. Stop sending him presents. Stop communicating with him. Doing this sends him the message that you are available and waiting for him. Don't let him control you like this you are worth more and much better than that.
Have one last pitty party for yourself if you need to. Snuggle up in your favorate night gown Drink some wine, eat some chocolate ice cream and watch your favorite old movie. Then dress up and go fishing in the sea of available men and find the guy that is waiting to meet you and be all the things I said a guy should be for you.
By the way I have just written to you what I would tell my daughter of grandaughter if she were to come to me with what you have writen. I'm old enough to be grandfather and I know you feel bad about lossing this guy. Trust me when I say he was not Mr. Right.
]
moving on isnt always easy sweetie. it takes time to mend a broken heart, especially one this serious. you must really love him. and sometimes, just finding another guy isnt the answer. try taking a break from guys for a while and hang out with your friends if you havent already. friends and family are a good way to cure a broken heart. it will take time, soemtimes longer than others, and i dont want to give you too much hope, but, maybe he'll come around...guys sometimes say things they dont mean or they say it cause they have something going on and just want to be alone. hope any of this, good luck
]
More Questions: |