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My stepdad has gone too far
I am seventeen and a girl. I live with my mom, stepdad, and brother and sister. I have a boyfriend of ten months who is absolutely perfect. We decided last night to make a very big decision to have protected sex. Little did I know my stepdad installed cameras into the entire house. He did not tell my mom he found out but he has labeled me as a slut and that it's his decision to decide if I am ready to have sex or not. I am upset that all of this happened but I honestly don't care. Even if I did want to tell them, I wouldn't. My parents never praise me for being honest and I am too scared to talk to them about anything anyway. I'm thinking my stepdad used the camera tactic to scare me into telling him but the same time he said I should be honest because he has the tapes to back it up. I am going about my day very calmly because I know I was ready and responsible. I am not a slut or a hoe or anything because I was responsible and I will make my own decisions. I just find it so stupid how they disown me and ignore me. I bust my ass for them honestly. I watch my baby brother everyday on top of schoolwork and chores. I make good grades. I'm not a bad kid and I am entitled to my own decisions. If I screw up, it's my fault...but I was so responsible and careful... So what does it matter? What do you think about all this?
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your stepdad an ahole if your going to do it wait til your out of there or stay outof his way can you talk to your mum?what dose she think of cameras?
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First, your step dad may have broken the law by secretly installing a camera in your room to monitor your activities. Since you are under 18, regardless of how mature you feel, in the eyes of the law you are still a minor. At the very least if any of the tapes he has, including the tapes of you having sex with your boyfriend, are of you in the nude. He is in possession of child pornography. This is a felony in every state and most countries.
As it being up to him as to when you are ready to have sex? That is kind of a legal technicality as it depends on the age of consent in your state. Most states the age of consent is 17 which would mean he has no say. As a step parent and living in his home; well that is another story altogether.
Now as to what you may or may not want to do. If your step-dad is holding these tapes over you in some way to have you conform to what he wants you to do. Then you have a decision to make. Does he use these cameras to spy on you and your sister and brother to violate your privacy and get pictures of you in the nude, If so he is a child pornographer. If he keeps these tapes he is in possession of child pornography and if he shows them or sends them to anyone he is a distributor of child pornography. These are all felonies.
You are entitled to and should expect a certain amount of privacy in your own bedroom. That privacy would extend to being able to change your clothes with the expectation that no one is watching you while doing so. Child monitors are appropriate for safety until a certain age. You are well above that age and are of the age of modesty. Your privacy has been violated for purposes that may be more illegal than just unlawful monitoring of your activities.
You say your mother is unknowing of these cameras. Then she may not be aware that he may be taping their intimate moments as well. If so he has violated her privacy as well and she is entitled to know about this as he could be distributing these tapes. You could, and have every right, to file charges against your step father on your own. That would blind side your mom and that would not be right.
My suggestion is that you at the very least tell mom you are going to file charges against her husband for secretly taping you and that cameras are installed all over the house. If her reaction is negative do so immediately. Dial 911 and ask that police immediately come to the house before your step dad can destroy evidence and remove the cameras.
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Because you are underage and your stepdad has a video tape of you engaging in sexual activity, he has technically made child porn. Even if you were of age, videotaping anyone in a sexual scenario without their consent is illegal, as was the case in the Rutgers scandal where one boy video taped another engaging in homosexual sex. I don't mean to suggest that you should blackmail your stepfather, but you should make it clear to him that you know what he did was wrong and illegal.
Honestly though, there's nothing he can really do about you having sex. You were mature and responsible by using protection, and I applaud you for that. In the future, try to primarily have sex at your boyfriend's home.
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I think you have a very good head on your shoulders. You are taking this very maturely, and you were good for making sure you took all the right steps before making that big decision. I know its hard because this is your family who is dragging you down. But you know yourself better than any one else. Have you tried talking to your mom about it? Or even your step dad? Lay down the facts for them and tell them your point of view. Easier said than done because no one likes confrontation. Write it down, so you'll know all the points you want to make. It's hard when family doesn't approve of your decisions, but it's your life. Live it the way you want to. Again, easier said than done. But stay strong. In a month from now, it'll have all blown over. Just keep taking it day by day.
xo
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