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humorist-workshop
justifably angry?
so ive come to the conclusion that i hold my friends to a really high standard. i get really mad when they flake on plans on ditch me or anything like that and in my mind it makes sense to be mad about these things but the are always surprised and never see what they did wrong. im starting to think i just get mad too easily and id love to fix this but i dont know how. i want to just get over it and move on but i know deep down im still mad and if i pretend not to be im just being fake. how do i actually get myself to not get so mad?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Remind yourself that they're your friends.
Isn't that enough?
From what I understand, they can be really oblivious, which COULD mean that they're not the friends you want. If I ditched on a friend, I would probably send a million apologies.
But hey, no one's perfect, not them or you. Friendship is a two way thing, you give and you get, you compromise. Confront them about how you feel like they're not being good friends cause they're never there. And if they show that they're sorry, then it'll be fine. Show patience and you can work at it together. If they don't, then I think you should find better friends. They have to care about you too. That's the whole point of a friendship. And if they don't understand, you'll have to decide whether or not you'll fight for them. Are they worth the pain and effort? If not, then find others. It may be hard at first, but they're out there.
I wish you all the best and I hope this helps.
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The best way to handle this is to recognize there is a problem that needs to be fixed. Put that in the check column. Next you need to seriously want to work at it. It appears you do.
That's another good thing about you because most people can't or won't admit that there even is one to begin with. What you need is professional help (no you aren't crazy nor need you be) from a therapist who handles anger issues among other things to figure out where yours truly comes from (insecurity) and can give you sound advice and techniques to prevent you from blowing up easily.
Your friends are indeed pains in the butt with how they commit and then back out of plans but they aren't the real issue. It's your reaction that is your problem and something you can learn to control.
You have obviously told these friends of yours that when they do this abruptly and frequently that it pisses this girl right off. To them they hold the belief that "life happens" and scuttling plans last minute is normal. It's normal but not if it's too frequent.
You told them so don't make waves as they will ditch you for it. I would hold my tongue and realize that this is just their personality and to understand that 50% of the time they come through and 50% they don't and just relax and go with what they toss you and make lemonaide when it doesn't go the way you want.
Like I said, find a therapist and work on the anger as the reaction is what you need to learn to control and to see when it's worth it to get pissed and stewing versus when it isn't.
Anger is like drinking a bucket of Draino repeatedly. It can't affect them but sure does poison you the more you indulge in it. Don't sweat this stuff with them as it's not worth it just roll with what they give you as that's how to handle them.
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