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feeling left behind.
Hey there (apologies for the length!)
Hm I don't even know where to start with all of this this..
Okay so basically 7 months ago the night of my 18th birthday I went out with a bunch of my friends to celebrate.(18 is the legal age here) anyway my drink got spiked pretty bad. I suffered a major reaction and doctors say it caused a chemical imbalance in my brain. Basically I totally tripped out I was hallucinating and became super paranoid around people. My mood went from completely up to completely down. I essentially suffered a psychotic break down. All of this couldn't have happened at a worse time as a few days after my birthday I was to receive my exam results and head off to college. I was placed on medication to reverse the effects. Anyway the day I received my results I was still pretty out of it. I did exceptionally well but missed out on my dream course by one grade in a particular subject. So I decided not to go to college this year (given everything that happened I wasn't in a fit state) and to re apply for a similar course next year.
All of my friends got what they wanted and headed off. so basically I'm feeling completely left behind. All of my friends have moved away and begun new exciting lives. We all still keep in contact and they have been extremely supportive over what happened to me but I'm still sad all the time. It kills me hearing about all their stories when they are home at weekends or when we have get togethers. Looking at their photos on facebook I just get pangs of jealousy seeing them with their new friends and I don't want to feel that way. I used to be such an outgoing vibrant girl ready to take on anything excited for college etc. But now I feel like i've been replaced with this shy girl. I get nervous before meeting up with my friends because I worry I won't have anything to talk to them about even though most of the time it goes fine. They even threw me a surprise party to celebrate me coming off the medication a few weeks ago. I just feel like my life was turned upside down. I was soo excited about college. I start next September but now instead of being excited I'm terrified. I don't feel as confident as I used to and I'm so scared I won't make any friends. I also fear I Won't be able for the course work. I feel nervous all the time. I worry i'l never be able to accomplish anything. I worry about silly little things that shouldn't be a big deal but for me they now suddenly are. One friend in particular keeps asking me to visit her in college but I keep putting it off because Im actually scared of traveling on my own! something I used to do all the time!
I used to go out and party all the time and now I hardly ever. The only thing that keeps me going is my boyfriend who has been so amazing to me. I'm just feeling lost. I don't know how to break free from all this and get back to how I used to be?
I suddenly compare myself to people all the time. The medication made me gain weight not a lot but a little to make me feel even worse about myself. Ive come a long way since all this happened but I'm still not there yet. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you.
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Hi! :)
Have you tried yoga or getting massages? I tried yoga in 7th grade last year because i was stressed out because there were 3 different projects due that same week, and two of them on the same day and I couldn't concentrate on them because my parents were fighting a lot and it really took a toll on me when on Monday of that week they announced that we were moving. The whole point if me telling you this is that the yoga temporarily took my stress and uneasiness away and for about the rest of that day (until I came home, of course) I was able to function normally in class and lunch and everywhere else. (my PE class was in the morning) now I've been away from my dad for about 4 months and I miss yoga :'(
What yoga did for me was the stretching and breathing that you had to do with it. That was what calmed me down. I never realized that breathing was something that was easy to concentrate on and yet it made such a difference.
if you have the patience to even do yoga, then my answer at least helped, but if you don't, then I'm sorry I wasted your time.
I hope I helped at least a little!
Good luck!
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don't let one mistake define your life. you have alot to live for. when was the last time you ran out in the sunshine and took in the beauty of what it is to be happy? imagine yourself at a time when you were happy. you are still the same girl. in order to prepare yourself for college next year, try to explore your surroundings and see the world in a whole new light. maybe there was a reason you made that mistake. when i feel like i'm not myself, turn up the radio and list all my favorite things. i go outside to knock some light back into me. be confident. you can get through this. the bad things in life we get past make us stronger people. don't give up on yourself. in the words of the Beatles, the world is at your command.
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