Is it wrong to masturbate with your boyfriend at fourteen years old?
Question Posted Saturday March 31 2012, 9:40 pm
Hi. I'm 14/f and my boyfriend an I have been talking about having sex. He really wants to and was respectful enough to just ask instead of trying to pull my pants off, unlike my ex's and I've told him that I don't want to and he knows how I feel about the whole thing so he hasn't asked that question exactly, but he has hinted a couple times and got the same answer and then yesterday he brought up the topic of masturbating and right away this came to my head;
If I don't have sex with him but still satisfy him somehow (by masturbating for him & letting him watch and masturbate if he wants to) then is that wrong? Of course I don't want to tease him by telling him that I have this idea and then not do it so my question is;
Is this wrong? I'm 14/f, virgin and I want to stay virgin until my wedding, by the way
For now though it is wrong because at your age being in a position of masturbating with your boyfriend puts you in a very vulnerable position. I had a letter just yesterday were a girl, younger than you, felt pressured into having sex with her boyfriend even though she did not want too. She was in a very similar situation to what you describe. Being forced or compelled after you say no is rape and that is what I told her. So I ask you why put yourself in such a position?
Their is nothing wrong with masturbation. If you need to then do so in your bedroom with the door locked so you are not disturbed. Masturbating with your boyfriend is really foreplay to sex; a position you are to young to handle should he try to push you in anyway to have sex with him. [ adviceman49's advice column | Ask adviceman49 A Question ]
lightoftruth answered Sunday April 1 2012, 7:52 am: Well in the end, it is all up to you. You probably need time to think about it.
I started messing around with a guy when I was 15. I'm still a virgin. But pretty much every guy wants sex. Make sure he knows that you want to wait till you're married and doesn't bring it up all the time. I had problems with that guy because he really wanted it after we kept messing around. Things ended really bad. So yeah, I regret everything I ever did. But I'm happy with who I'm with now and everything going on. I wish I waited for all that till now.
Anyways, it's your choice but I'd wait unless you're completely sure of what could happen and you're feelings for this guy. [ lightoftruth's advice column | Ask lightoftruth A Question ]
masterclinic answered Sunday April 1 2012, 12:31 am: Yes it's wrong, but not because of your age. By 14 most boys and girls dont know what they're ok with (sexually) so they end up regretting what they did as teenagers. It's obvious that you don't know what you want out of it; you say you want to wait till marriage but you dont know why that is, your not confident that it's what you will do (not should do).
You need more time to think about this; so try this. Clear your mind of everything that you've been told your whole life about sex. Your parents, friends, family, church, class mates. All of they're opinions do not effect your thinking right now. And now that your blank think what will make YOU happy.
This is something that can't be answered in one sitting; think it over for a while.
Im Gunna tell you how I came across my answer (short version), hoping that it'll help.
My family is catholic so my parents waited till they were married, I wanted the same thing as a young teenager but after thinking about it for some time and being in a relationship I learned something I did not know back then. Sex was being taught as something BAD (unless it was done after marriage). It was very narrow minded to me and I'm as open minded as it gets, so for that and many other reasons I split away from the church. I found someone about a year later and after sometime of being together I knew I wanted to have sex. It wasn't for my own selfish reasons (to feel good), it was because I felt sex would satisfy my need to be as close as I could to her and I was right. It wasn't bad, it was perfect and we had a great relationship. Even though it ended I don't regret it at all; that's because I waited for Someone I loved.
I hope it helped but if it doesn't what I'm trying to say is make sure it feels right; that you think about it and don't do it if your so confused. Because I'f your confused then you'll most likely end up regretting it [ masterclinic's advice column | Ask masterclinic A Question ]
solidadvice4teens answered Saturday March 31 2012, 11:18 pm: You will get a multitude of responses on this with some people thinking its wrong and others the opposite. It's really subjective.
The question should be do you think it's wrong? It all comes down to your perception of it and whether you feel it's right. That's something nobody can decide but you.
The truth is that this isn't hurting anyone and it's up to you. You have to be 100% comfortable with your body and sharing something so private with him. You also have to be 100% sure that you are doing this for yourself and not just for him to be satisfied when you don't want sex.
You and you alone are in the driver's seat and have to set up boundaries about touch, that there's no sex etc. and that you're remaining a virgin and never let it cross into uncomfortable territory. I guess what I'm saying is to really think hard about this and consider pros/cons before agreeing to this. If for any reason you feel weird about it than don't.
As you know masturbation in any form is safe and 100% normal. Adults do engage in this together and it's not uncommon. In a way your parents would HATE you doing this at all but would probably applaud you trying to handle hormones in a way that isn't intercourse. It's better to this than become pregnant or be in risky behavior. Know your own morals and if waiting til marriage for sex is important don't do anything to compromise that. [ solidadvice4teens's advice column | Ask solidadvice4teens A Question ]
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