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It's not "really" sexual harassment - so should I tell anyone?
I am a female, in my 20's, married, and work in a male-dominated profession. My job requires quite a bit of travel, and sometimes the jobs have long hours and are physically intense. This often leads to the crew having a few drinks at the end of the day. My husband has an extreme jealousy streak, and recently told me of all the men I work with, he is most jealous of my immediate supervisor. He (hunbby) knows I love him, and he trusts me, but he doesn't trust the guys I work with. The last job, just myself and my supervisor were on the crew. After a few beers, we were calling it a night and heading to our respective rooms. My supervisor then asked me if he could kiss me! Shocked - I said NO and went straight to my room. I called my husband to tell him goodnight (like I always do), but I did not tell him what happened. The next morning my supervisor apologized, and we finished up the job, over the next few days, without any afterwork beers. I don't want to do jobs alone with my supervisor again. I don't want to go above his head and tell someone higher up what happened for fear they might make me file a sexual harassment claim.
How do I go about making sure we don't get scheduled alone together on a job again? Should I tell my husband what happened, and risk him wanting me to quit my job (or worse, alter my carrer plans in this very hard worked for and difficult to break into profession to something less male-dominated)?
Please Adivse!
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Dear Questioner,
A couple of things I have come to conclude:
-You are deeply loyal to your husband
-You value your husbands advise
-You think that what your boss did was bad
And with that last one, you are right. But what you need to remember is is that firstly, when you said no, he ceesed to harrass you any further AND he apologised. Like a respectable man. Some men like to "shark" this is where he stakes out somebody elses girl to have for himself temporaily or permanantly. Most dont take No for an answer and persist (so I would be aware of him in future and remmeber to always say no!) However it seems he has taken a hint.
However if you get a chance to speak with him I would mention that you now feel uncomfortable around him and vunerable and suggest that you work with other people, or perhaps with you him aswell as somebody else. And only you know how to arrange this as I know not your profession nor the body of the company you work for.
If your profession is male dominated then you need to stand up for yourself and prove your serious (and i say that in the kindest possible way) Myself, being both a cheerleader and a nurse I strive to make sure I mean business and i think that it would serve you well to do the same. And if any flirting it directed towards you i would respond with something alon the lines of " (name), I am happily married and serious about my job i have no incling to miess either of those things up"
I can clearly see you value your job. However I can also see that your husband means alot to you and if he asks you to leave your job you will at least consider it. However you have worked hard for your job, its your life you should be able to live it.
And for those reasons I recommend you dont tell your husband. As you did nothing wrong. You, did everything right! But as you say he is a jealous man, so therefore i advise that you dont give him anything more to be jealous of.
And regarding your husbands jealousy, having a very jealous boyfriend myself. I recommend proving to him that you love him.
Hope I helped a little,
Inbox me if you want to dig any deeper
vikkikimberly
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