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I'm frustrated: why won't he react when I try to engage him physically?
This guy and I have become friends over the last few months. I am into him and while I've never directly told him this, it's no secret; he has to be very well aware of it. In many ways it seems like he's into me too. We hang out a lot, stay up all night on the weekends, talk over Facebook for hours about nothing, and sometimes do nutty things (like for instance the 3-hour staring contest or like tearing around campus and climbing trees for no reason at midnight, haha). If he's not into me, I don't know why he would do this stuff to the degree he does.
However, this is really puzzling and frustrating me: I have done everything but kiss him, but I am the only one making physical advances - aside from semi-rough play-fighting such as wrestling over a nerf gun, which he does without hesitation, although I usually initiate it. But for instance, we were watching a movie and I put my head on his shoulder and he just didn't do anything. He lets me play with his hair, draw on his hands, practically sit on his lap, and doesn't seem to mind at all, but he won't do anything like put his arm around me, he just sits there like a rock. He does hug me goodbye, but seems kind of awkward about it like he isn't sure how to do it. I almost kissed him last time we said goodbye - hugged him and then pulled back a little and we looked at each other, and I couldn't get up the nerve and he wasn't doing anything at all to help, and I said "goddamnit" and he laughed because he knew exactly what was going on and we went our separate ways. Yeah, I'm frustrated both with him and myself...
Before you ask: no, he isn't gay; he has stated that he is straight. We are both 19. I don't know how many girlfriends he's had in the past because he gives off a very inexperienced vibe (I've never had a boyfriend, so the inexperienced thing is mutual). He is very, very shy and also a rather strange person (not complaining, I'm pretty strange myself, but just saying) and I kind of get the feeling that maybe he doesn't have the slightest clue what to do with a girl...? But how hard would it be for him to just grab my hand or something? He's got to know I like him...
Why do you think he's being so physically reserved? Should I just kiss him sometime and see what happens? Should I risk the awkward factor and tell him straight out that I'm not a mind reader and ask what his feelings are? I am tired of being confused and frustrated.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You just might have to tell him how you feel about him. If you think he likes you and he does all this stuff with you without letting on that he has the same feelings, he's probably letting his shyness take over. Girl's sometimes have to make the first move.
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At first I wasn't going to answer this question. Then after rethinking about it I thought I might be able to help.
This guy sounds like a wonderful guy who has a great deal of respect for you and enjoys your friendship. His shyness and in experience around girls is an inhibiting factor that probably is very deep seated put their by probably a over bearing mother.
He may want to go to the next level in your relationship but his upbringing won't allow him to make that first move; you are going to have to. Because you are also inexperienced how you make that first move is going to be difficult.
One way is to talk about it. In conversation you need to let him know you want or desire to take your relationship to that next level. You may have to even draw him a picture so to speak of what that next level is. Is it making out or do you desire full on sexual intercourse with him.
I would not suggest you try and get this guy into bed with you without first talking with him and finding out if he is ready to go their. It may also just be possible he wishes to remain a virgin until he marries and is to shy to say something to you about it. This is why I believe you need to take the lead here and you must start with a conversation.
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Your right, he's definantly in to you but he's just one of those guys that aren't very great with the psychical part of relationships. If you can you should take the initiative; maybe start by holding his hand while your walking. As for the kiss you should probably try to make it less awkward as possible, meaning don't try it where it might not workout? For example standing up if he's alot taller then you and your going to look dumb if you can't reach him. Maybe you should try it while your on the couch together watching a movie. And if all else fails just TELL him to kiss you; it will work trust me.
On a side note he's a keeper; ya he might be pretty horrible with the physical part but it looks like you have a nice fun relationship that's on it's way to strong feelings, Gl and take the initiative!
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A few possibilities:
He doesn't understand that you are seriously into him, and is afraid of offending you or crossing lines he doesn't know are there.
He i just extraordinarily shy.
He's not into you like that.
You should not 'just kiss him'. If he's confused or shy, that will likely make him feel worse. If he's not into you, it'll be horribly embarrassing and painful for you both (and, would sort of be assault...)
So yes: Tell him straight out THAT YOU LIKE HIM. Don't pull any sarcastic 'I'm not a mind reader' shit. Don't go half-ass on your own truth. Maybe you feel it should be obvious, but remember there are a lot of teases and flirts out there, and lots of people who throw up unexpected walls and insults. It's not irrational of him to be doubtful or cautious. So don't be a smart-ass, instead start with being upfront and direct about your feelings. Put it all out there. Risk yourself. Then ask him what his feelings are.
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