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Child Manipulation
To start off with, I'm not a dad... but I'm prepping myself for the day.
My question revolves around this article I read tonight... and I would like to get opinions from real world perants, or, well, from everyone willing to state whever they have kids or not and their reasoning behind it.
Would you consider manipulting your child into doing something that you want them to do?
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"Manipulation" is a weird word to use, and your question is very vague. Manipulation implies negativity, but doesn't actually need to be a negative thing.
A skilled sculptor will 'manipulate' the clay. A skilled pilot 'manipulates' the plane. A skilled instructor might 'manipulate' a lecture or class to hold everyone's attention and to build to the point with greatest impact.
I would fully intend to manipulate (meaning: manage skillfully) my child during potty training, or at the dentists office. I would treat my child fairly and respectfully, but I would also set us both up to succeed in situations - by manipulating those situations, and my child's understanding of those situations.
I am going to let my child believe in Santa. Is that manipulation?
I would be more willing to let my child quit a sport or activity if I found it exhausting to take them. Is that manipulation?
I'd absolutely try to make my children play the game of 'who can stay quiet longest!" (I doubt it would work, but I would try!). Is that manipulation?
Maybe it would be helpful if you linked to the article you read, and asked a more specific question. As it stands, all I can say is: Yes. There are fair and legitimate ways in which is would 'manipulate' my kids. There are also totally unfair and illegitimate ways in which I would NEVER manipulate my kids. There may even be some gray zone between those two types of manipulation that I would have to consider on a case by case, and child by child, basis.
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This is a strange question as the word manipulation and the way you are asking have different meanings.
For instance: If I am trying to get my child to do something that is in his or her best interest; is that manipulation or proper child raising. If I am trying to get them to do something they don't want to do that they really don't need to do such as playing a sport, then that might be considered manipulation. Playing a sport though could be considered in the child's best interest on one plain even if the child's interest or more academic or musical. If it is being done so the parent can live vicariously through the child then it is truly manipulation.
Sometimes what you may see as manipulation is being done as the parents feel is in the child's best interest. Like beauty, manipulation is sometimes seen in the eye of the beholder.
As to your question: When it comes to having a child do something that they need to do, that is in their best interest. Then yes I would use all my powers of persuasion to get compliance. Including forcing a child to comply.
I have never forced my children to do anything that was not necessary or in their best interest to do. School work, chores around the house and other things expected of a properly raised child, yes. Everything else was their option.
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Depends on a number of factors, on the child, the situation and what the parent wants them to do.
WHen my son was little, he was quite shy and needed lots of encouragement to do things in school that involved putting himself forward, as in going on stage in plays etc. Some people might see that as manipulation, but once there, doing the play, he thoroughly enjoyed it.
Some children need a similar sort of encouragement to do things that make the parent look good, sa in kissing aged aunts, writing thank you letters for Christmas presents when all they want to do is play, getting good school grades in subjects they don't enjoy. These are aerll good things to do but not always what the child wants to do, so a certain amount of manipulation is required!
These are minor manipulations, the problem might arise when the parent forgets that the child has a mind of their own and want to do what they want to do. Its a very fine line between manioulation and over-control.
Hope this hhelps, good luck with your future parent-hood. Best wishes.
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No, Manipulation isn't love. Children need to grow up they need to learn from their mistakes and they will make them it just happens.
We need to provide proper parenting skills to teach our children right from wrong. As parents we are their role models and their support system. We need to give our child freedom and free will, The ability to grow and make choices as we stand by and guide them in the right direction. We lend support and we help them when they need help. Our job is to raise them right to grow up to be good and independent people. If you raise a child by manipulation then that is all they are going to know when they are older and it's just not right. Manipulation is a form of control and abuse in eyes depending on how you use it. Using a manipulation technique can cause damage to your child later on in life. It can do more harm them good and the child can end up resenting it in the long run.
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