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I am NOT happy in my marriage
hi,i am from south africa,cape town,i am a female and i am 19 years old,almost 3years married.i have a daughter that is two years old. the last time i was happy was the day i got married.. ever since then iv been crying every night. i have always been taken for granted, i had to go through alot with my husband we were both on school that time and that made it soo much difficult. i moved into a room in his mothers house. he didnt think that he must leave school to go work for his family he just wanted his parents to do everything for him.he only thinks of himself,he doesnt do anything for us if he doesnt get anything out of it. he is the only boy and the youngest child, he is 19 years old too. he has always gotten everything right by his family! he treats me very bad, when i cry he turns his back on me,he speaks to me like im a friend,and treats me like a dog,he minipulates me,and throws a fit when he doesnt get what he wants. during my pregnancy i was left without food to eat, they always made sure that he had a few rands for school but they didnt even consider me.they are not my only problem his two sisters moved back last year the one has three rude kids and the other one moved back with her husband and baby boy.. the one with the 3 kids is a thief that steals all my stuff,even as far as underwear and food..i must lock my room at all times even when i need to use the loo..the house is packed now and always noisy.i so badly dont want my child to grow up here but what other choice do i have. i have tried moving to my mum but that seperation does not work for him..my daughter is becoming rude and disobedient just like her kids she shouts and swears at them at all times and that is not what i want my child to listen to. thats part of my problem.. his mother treats me horrible aswell.. she always makes me out to be the bad one..his other sister badmouths me by everyone,when i go on holiday to his family in port elizabeth then evryone gives me bad looks. im not perfect,i have also got my faults, but i also dont deserve this.the middle of last year was abit better in my marriage. but now its gotten worst, my husband is working as a salesman on contract and he doesnt bring in much. he just took out a laptop contract that cost him 400r every month.money we dont even have.i wanted us to start saving even if its just 200r a month or so. he does not no about responsibility.he doesnt have to worry about baby health and doctor bills,my mum is paying that,she also goes every winter and summer to go shop for clothing for her.the way this looks we're never going to get on our own. i am not working yet, i did my senior year last year @ night school and now i am applying wherever is possible.he doesnt look like he is much interested in me anymore,when i dress up for him he doesnt notice even when i do my hair, it hurts alot! every morning i wake up he looks @ me and says where is my coffee, he doesnt even greet first..he comes home to a clean room, ironed pjs ready for him to go shower and he gets his coffee when he steps in the house,what am i doing wrong.i get treated like dirt from begining to end. the only time i get attention is at night when he lays next to me ,sleeping!i am very close to giving up..i dont want to waste my time if i am never going to get treated the way i deserve! what should i do?
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This sounds like my mom's marriage but happier. My mom groans when my dad comes home and they haven't slept in the same room for years. They haven't huged, kissed, held hands or said I love you for as long as I can remember. I am sure that if I wasn't here they would divorce. I am 13 and my brother is 19. I guess if you aren't happy and don't think you can fix it then talk to him about divorce or something. But first I think you should try to fix it. I know it may be wierd for a 13 year old to be giving you info about your marriage but my mom has been throught divorce before and she has told me ALLLL about it. Just try for another month or two to fix it up and if you can't and your not happy, don't stay that way. Good Luck!
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South Africa is different from the United States. In this situation we would leave the man if things weren't getting better. To better like for the child and out self. Living with family is the worst situation my husband and I did that in the beginning of out marriage and it made us worse. I am not sure how woman do stuff were you are if your mom allows you and your child to live with her than do it. Explain to him you wish things to be different between the two of you. You need him to grow up and be a man and take care of his family.
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