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i don't know how to deal with my life?what should i do?
so my life has just been terrible. first of all i'm 17 now and have been depressed since forever. now i'm taking anti depressants but they don't really work i still feel the way i feel. so to start my mom and dad were very young when they had me. When i was 3 or 4 my dad got locked up for domestic violance against my mom then at like 6 my mom got shot and killed in front of the house by our room mate then killed himself and this is the main reason why i've been hurting. so for a while me my sister and brother were just moving around with aunts and uncles. then my dad got out and ge "converted". this would be good if he didn't hang out with these nuts that pretty much told us we'd go to hell if we did this and that. So these people just drove me nuts. When i was and eigth grade is when everything just hit me and eversince then i cry everynight for what could've been but will never happen. alot of people take their parents for granted when that's the only thing i've ever wanted. well now i'm 17 and i've had my closest friend and well there's drama about him and this girl and me but anyways i moved in. They are the only ones in my life that have ever treated me like family and have showed me love. So his mom i see her as my mom i know it may seem weird but that's just how i feel. she's the only one that has ever really cared and treated me good. Now it's cool but again life just has a tendency to kick me in the ass. so i think of her as a mother right. i love her alot and my friends. however i still just reeally hurt from my mom and again to top it off my friends mom has a disease and is only expeted to live for 4 more years. This right now is especially killing me because how can life just take somebody so good like this. i'm not just saying this for me but how are her kids going to feel when she's gone. and it also. I really don't know i've hit some lows where i've done things. i also drink and smoke weed to try to just be happy and forget for that moment but really it doesn't help i feel like the anti depressants are a bunch of bull. i know i still have a long way to go before i die but really i don't feel like i can handle much more i really believe i'm just going to lose it. what will it i do when there's nobody there when everybody goes there seperate ways when my "mom" passes away. how can i be good when be good when everything has just gone bad. i always ask myself if i can't deal with 17 years how will i possibly handle even 40. it also hurts that my real mom died when she was only 25 she didn't even have a chance to live her life i mean she had me when she was 19 my sister when she was 17. and now what the nicest person in the world and the only person that's has ever showed me loved and has helped me and talked to me and 4 more years. for what has happened i really think it's impossible for me to be happy how could i possibly be happy. why does life treat me like this. i have no purpose not ambiions in life my only motivation is my friends mom and what will i do once thats gone. i really don't think i can handle this it may not seem like a big deal but it means everything to me. unless you see your mom laying against a wall bleeding telling me to call the 911 then later to sit in some comference room just so they can tell you she died. i haven't learned how to cope with this and probably never will but i don't know what i should do or how to think. what should i be happy about when life has just fucked me over and over and i'm just useless. i would do anything to get my mom back but if i could trade years left to live with my friends mom i would gladly do it. how can i can i be and do better any advice on how i should what i should do or what you do to deal with everything would be appreciated. i don't know what to do?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
all families are dysfunctional. Since you're a teenager, it's pretty hard to grow up in that kind of environment. I can imagine all the crazy thoughts in your head. I was like that too, when I was 15. Now, at 21, I'm no different, or better, I'm afraid. The only thing you can do right now, is ignore your useless father and try to care for your younger brother and sister. If you have problems, imagine their plight. Perhaps taking care of them and making sure they have a motherly figure is better than letting them grow up to be adults with problems too. Apart from that, I doubt my advice is of any help. I mean, there's only so much a computer can do. Best advice I can give is this: go to a psychiatrist. They may charge like hell, but they do earn it and it does help you cope. So, pick up the phone now and dial 911 and tell them you need to see a shrink, 'cause you need help. The earlier you admit you need help, the better. Trust me.
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