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I'm 21, why is my mom so involved?
Hey there. I'm 21/f and I have a year left of college. After this, I really want to move from my house, even if I decide to go for my masters. It is just a very overwhelming feeling to feel like you can't do anything without someone getting involved. This is the most basic example. It is really bothering me. My mom has MADE me get hair extentions... yes, MADE me. If you lived in my house or knew her, you would know that she makes people do things. The reason why is because I had some damage in my hair and she wanted me to wear them so that the damage wouldn't show as much. For 2 months, I have not TOUCHED my hair. I haven't colored it, cut it, or ANYTHING! So, it has healed a lot. I feel that the extentions are in my way. I can never blow dry my hair myself. I have to go to this beauty school and pay $15. Right now, I can't wory because of my class schedule. It sucks. Next semester, I can work, because I can go back to the later classes. But, there is no job that will work with my schedule because it's all over the place. I can never let my hair air dry because of the extentions. I really would just like to not have them. I look at people's hairs after they've had extentions for years and I'm scared. I have had them on for 2 years, took them off, and my mom made me put them back on. Since I haven't colored my hair in 2 months, there's all sorts of different colors. It's not just my roots and the rest of the hair. The rest of the hair is faded out, so it's like I see washed out hair and then my roots. I just wanna even it out. I don't wanna use permanent color, but maybe like a toner or something. She would yell and scream at me if I touched my hair. It's just frstrating because it's MY hair. Even when I have had a job and paid for everything myself, this is the way she is. It's not about the money. My mom doesn't even have a job. She gets her income from a rentered property. I have had to work really hard when I had any money. I even got a scholarship from school, and she made me give her $1,200. Just like that, without even saying she would pay me back. I have had a lot happen to me with the past couple of years. I found out I was adopted and lost someone very close to me due to cancer. It's just something I want to do for myself and for my self esteem. Even out my hair and take out the extentions. Please help!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
This problem is just as much you as it is your mom. Yes, you live at home and it is wonderful of you to live by moms rules. If you live under your parents roof then you should live by their rules.
But you are 21 and you are allowing mom to control you this is not living by her rules. Mom is a controller. As long as you allow her to control you she will do so. Moving out will not change this for you. Controllers have ways of controlling people who do not live under their roof.
What you have to do is grow a backbone and be 21 years old not 12. You need to tell and or remind mom you are now an adult. Legally you are responsible for your actions not her. You need and welcome her support but you also need to be able to do things as you feel are right for you as an adult. You will always appreciate her advice and give it its proper consideration. Though how you move forward is always from now on going to be of your choosing.
If you are not willing to stand up to your mother and make a statement such as I have written; there is no help we can offer you. Nor will you ever be able to crawl out from under her controlling apron. If you are ever to be in control of your life you need to stand up for yourself.
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You've asked basically this question a few times now. The answer remain the same:
At twenty-one years old, she isn't just 'making you'. You are giving in.
Stop giving her money and cut off the damn extensions.
Let her scream and beg and threaten and make herself ill. That is NOT your problem. It's unpleasant as all hell. I'm not saying it easy. But that is the ONLY solution (except moving out, which is just getting distance from your problem, not solving it).
Her being nuts should not stop you from being the independent young adult you are. Until you stop letting her nuts stop you, the same patterns of control will continue.
I'm not saying it's easy, but it's not her job to make it easy, and each time you give in to her crazy, you are teaching her that this behavoir is okay and gets her what she wants.
Let her yell. Let her scream. Go take a walk. Take a shower. Go out for coffee. Call the cops if she is physically violent.
This isn't going to stop until you stop it. The only way you can stop it is by doing what you know is right and letting her have whatever crazy ass fit she wants to have.
You can't control her feelings and you aren't responsible for them either. Learn to live with her fits. It's either that or continue on living as her slave.
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First off, about your hair. I highly recommend using one of these products; [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
^Henna stains the hair, doesn't dye it. That particular henna also helps fix your hair by deep conditioning it. No chemicals are used and it makes your hair look incredibly shiny. Ask a friend for help and do it at their place so your mother can't interfere.
TAKE your hair extensions out first, you're not a child. The reason this has gone on so long is because you aren't putting your foot down. You need to STOP listening and conforming to what your mother wants. Just stop. Let her cry, scream, and act like a child all she wants.
Maybe you could even see if a friend will let you stay at their place for the next year (With rent of course). You maybe be living under your mothers roof, but you are 21 years old and in college. She no longer can control you.
You have your own voice, use it.
Feel free to inbox me for any other questions or comments. Make sure you use my inbox and not feedback, though. Good luck!
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