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How long after engagement do you get married, and did we get engaged too young?
19/f, my boyfriend is 18/m. We've been together for a year and three months. We've been living together for 6 months.
Tonight he asked me to marry him, and of course I said yes. I know in my heart it feels right, and what not.
We also planned to not get married in exactly a year. We wanna wait a little bit for a wedding to make sure we have enough money to afford a wedding along with our basic needs of life, because things aren't cheap.
I was wondering if this is normal to not get married after a year of engagment?
And I want your opinions as if we got engaged too soon??
I talked to my mom, and she wasn't upset. She said she saw nothing wrong with it as long as I'm not rushing into legal marriage when I'm not finiacially ready, and I assured her I wasn't.
Opinions, please?
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I was 19 when my now-husband proposed, he was 20. We had been dating for 11 months, living together for about 6 months. We got married this fall, with me at 24 and him at 25, so we had a pretty darn long engagement.
Some people believe different things. I have a set of friends who have been planning their wedding for months, but they're not engaged yet because they want the engagement to be as short as possible. That's the more traditional route, I suppose, but it's entirely up to what works for you.
In my opinion, an early engagement means an early commitment. A long engagement means that you're taking the time to make sure that this is what you want because you take that final step very seriously. What isn't logical is an early, short engagement. That's when I'd be voicing concerns.
As for putting off the engagement because of your father's disapproval... I'm going to pass on a bit of advice from my personal experience.
Once you're living on your own and footing your own bills, your parents lose most of their say in your life. They can't tell you what to do. They can't stop you from doing anything. They can offer advice, which you can take or leave as you please. So don't go living in fear of causing parental disapproval, because if they disapprove of your choices, that's their problem. You make the decisions and you live with the consequences. Some of the best decisions I've ever made have been with the approbation of my parents. If my husband and I had listened to our parents, we wouldn't have our dog, we wouldn't have our house and we wouldn't be together. He would still be living at home with his mom.
So do your dad a favour. Ask him what exactly his concerns are about you getting engaged early. Come to the table with your reasons for doing what you're doing. Thank your father for his advice. Then go and do what you want, because you are the only person who will live your life and therefore are the only person who can make decisions as to what you do with it.
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Again there are two ways of answering the question
1, If you both are financially independent upon yourselves and able to afford it then I guess it would be okay.
My honest opinion though of course is going to be a little critical as that is just how I give advice
Are you both too young? In my eyes, Yes. There is a saying "You do it young, You end it young" This saying isn't 100% true of course but the odds are 95% of the time it's right on the button. Right now things seem to be perfect but marriage life is a little different from just being in a relationship. Financially you both are responsible for bills, living needs, and you support one another. Generally, When people are engaged they wait a year or two before they get married. The waiting process all depends on how many people you are inviting and what you want. Again in my eyes 19 and 18 is a bit too young to be thinking of getting married as most people don't get engaged until they hit their mid 20's. Sometimes if you set yourself up for the long haul you set yourself up to fail but that is just my opinion like I said.
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I just wanted to add that marriage is very hard. I said you share money, you support and take care of each other. You learn to ask each other to make large purchases, or tell each other where you are going. It takes a lot of work doing so. It seems like little things but its really not. So living together while engaged can make it easier. Just remember marriage takes lots of work and commitment so dont give up even when things get tough. I have been married going on 3 years and we still argue about little things but its getting much better and easier.
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There are two different ways of answering this question. The first is the freudian way. Which is to say if you are asking this question then maybe you are not fully comfortable about being engaged at this young age. There are pit falls to young marriages that you may be aware of and this may be rolling around in your subconscious.
I also have to ask are you getting married to get away from a disapproving father? What about college educations for the two of you? Have you given any thought to higher education? What do his parents think?
Those questions bring up the second way of looking at your question. There is nothing wrong with getting married at your age as long as you both realize what you may be giving up by doing so.
What I am aiming at is the new found freedom young adults find for themselves when they reach this age. These freedoms include a move away from home, set up your own limits, do what you want when you want and not having to be responsible to anyone other than yourself.
When you marry you loose some of those freedoms because marriage does bring with it responsibilities to each other. You loose some freedoms but gain others in return.
By marrying this young you lose the chance to experience some of life. The question you need to answer is will you ever come to regret this loss? Will not going to college be something you come to regret?
If my parents were to tell you anything it would be that if this marriage is meant to be it will stand the test of time to wait until you are older. Until you have had a chance to accomplish those things that young adults need to accomplish before they settle down into married life.
Statistically people who marry as young as you two; that those marriages have a greater chance of failing than if you wait 4 or 5 years. The reason is maturity. In those few years you two can mature a lot and grow apart. Where as if you wait and mature separately you will know better if you can have a lasting marriage.
As for your fathers disapproval. It could be for the reasons I've stated or it could be for other reasons. It would be great to have his approval though you don't need it.
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