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How Do I Give a Pity Invite, Without It Seeming Like One?
Hello.
My cousin is going through a hard time at the moment, with his parents recently separating. He goes to school, comes home, and works in the same room until he decides to eat/sleep. He rarely goes out, which is odd because he seems to be the type that would be quite popular: good looking, good at sport, intelligent etc.
Long story short, his father made an insensitive comment the other day. My grandmother, my uncle, and my mother have asked for me to do something with him to cheer him up. This is fine, but I don't know how to ask without it sounding like a pity invite? I was thinking of just heading into the city, do abit of window shopping, grab a bite to eat, and maybe catch a movie.
The wierd thing is, never have I done anything with him apart from family meetings etc. I feel odd just randomly texting him asking if he wants to do something, because it will seem so obvious.
Can anyone shed some light on how I can ask, without it seeming like a pity invite? It is of course a pity invite (so to speak), but I don't want him to feel that it is?
Thanks a bunch folks.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
ask for a family dinner and bring up a movie you like while your talking but say your mates not into it is he keen?
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Is it really a pity invite? Think about it. What you are doing is actually out of genuine concern for him and wanting him to enjoy himself.
Invite him and leave it at that. How he treats the invitation or views this is up to him and you can't control his perception. He may be happy to go out and be included given his circumstances.
This is a chance to get to know him. If he's a good guy and should be popular but isn't for some reason try and find out. If he never leaves home to do anything it may be a signal he's depressed. If someone sees that, says something, does something it may be the ultimate favor.
You never mentioned what cruel remark was made to him either so I can't offer much on how to deal with that. Maybe reassuring him would be helpful. There's a lot to do with this invite that can be rewarding for you both.
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If you've never hung out with him one on one before, it IS going to sound at least a bit like a pity invite. Can't be helped. He'll know and you'll know, but that doesn't mean he won't be happy that someone cared and reached out.
The best excuse you could offer is some excuse of something you want to see or get that can only be gotten in the city... But he'll see through it anyways. It's just polite.
You are counting on him accepting anyways, because he needs someone and you put the offer out there. The worse that can happen is he decides he doesn't want your support in that way, and that's okay, but I bet he'll take you up on it even though he'll recognize the pity invite-ness of it.
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It isnt going to sound like a pitty invite. You are just being there for him like family should be. It doesnt matter if you have never hung out before just text him and ask him if he would like to hang out on such and such day. If he says no say well how come.
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