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My mother is being deviously unfaithful to my father, for the second time!
I am a 30 year old female, my parents are 55 and 56, A little history first, when I was about 11 or 12 I remember my parents fighting at night one time. My father was trying to pull my mother from their bed. She wouldn't leave the bed, me and the friend I had over woke up to this and started yelling at my dad to stop....come to find out years later my mother had "fallen" for someone else. (That is all she told me).
Now, more than 15 years later, signs of her chatting sexually, texting/sexting, meeting people at random places have fallen in my lap. My neighbor saw her sitting at dunkin donuts with another man. And before this she has been confronted several times...resulting in family blow outs that don't conclude anything because she just keeps doing it. So when I found out about dunkin donuts I have kept it between me, my husband and my brother. My sister is in on it with her! So I looked through her phone and found the guys name and found out she has been devious about where and when she is going instead of "the gym" (that my dad is paying the membership for)! And when she thought that maybe I had looked through her phone, she had my sister (inconspicuously) go to the bathroom, and lock her self in as she searched to see if I had clued my father in. (Which my brother and I have done the last time). At this point I am trying to catch her in the act...I am having a really hard time dealing with this...my dad is oblivious, If she is unhappy she should stop taking advantage that she has a free ride that my father is providing for her and my sister! (because my sister of 29 still lives home (with back problems)with her boyfriend who has no job either) My dad is the sole provider! What do I do!!!??? Am I a terrible person for wanting her caught so the anxiety for me ends? Please help!
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First Off, If your positive of the facts which you seem to be.. I would have a sit down talk with your dad and tell him everything you know, down to text messages, emails, etc. Noone deserves to be cheated on. then when it comes time for her to "go to the gym" have your dad follow her discreetly, or do it yourself or even together. if alone and catch her, take pictures on your cellphone and send them to your dad. that will open his eyes for sure. it may take time, just stick with it, if shes still up to no good, your bound to get results, Goodluck. -Istalio
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I am of two thoughts or two minds on this matter. The first on is of course to tell you to stay out of it. Your parents are adults and need to deal with this situation on their own.
It is understandable that you are upset and that you don't want to see your father hurt yet again. You also see your sister being a sponge living off your father and protecting your mothers affair. You want to do something but you are not sure what to do.
The other side of the coin or my other thought is; how do you know your father is not aware of what is going on. Once burned people usually become very sensitive to fire. I would think your father knowing of your mothers first affair may just be aware of what is happening and for reasons of his own has decided not to do anything about it at this time.
It is very possible that no mater what you do or don't do you are going to be wrong. Sort of damned if you do and damned if you don't.
What you might try is asking sort of a light probing question of dad to see where he is on this. Something to the effect of; " you know dad I was driving past the Dunkin Donuts the other day and saw mom there." Nothing else has to be said and see what dad says back. Based on what dad says you can decide what if anything you want to follow up with. You might want to follow the same with mom adding to the question; "who was that you were sitting with". If she comes back at you with a hostel answer again you have more information with which to make a decision with.
You are in a very awkward no win position here. If mom is cheating on your father. If dad is not aware of what is going on. If you do decide he needs to know, you run the risk of alienating both your parents. For you I see this as a no win situation.
I do understand why you feel you need to tell your dad. I am not going to tell you not too. I am going to suggest that you think twice before doing anything and make sure your facts are correct. Mom having coffee with someone is not cheating. Parents are allowed to have friends of the opposite sex and you may have witnessed two friends doing nothing more than having a cup of coffee.
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