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He has no idea what to get me even if I drop hints, and it hurts.
I am sixteen. My boyfriend and I are going to be together for six months on February 4th. I have a lot planned out for our special day: a movie, dinner, and a gift. I'm giving him an acoustic guitar, because all he ever talks about when we go to my godmother's (who owns a lot of guitars) is wanting an acoustic guitar. I plan on getting it for cheap but in good condition. I also plan to give him a book I made him. I write a lot, and so I wrote down from my view how I felt about him before, all the events that happened throughout our six months, and how I felt about him, as well as all the things I love about him. I am usually a big gift-giver, but usually I run out of ideas. He is also a very creative, thoughtful person. We get along great and have a few skirmishes here and there, but overall we have a good trust and a strong relationship. He's really sweet and kind and I can be myself when I am around him. I just love feeling comfortable. But we do have our flaws as a couple, and individually. I'm insecure, paranoid, and I get very mad easily. He can be very dumbfounded at times, and tends to say a lot of things that are very hurtful, but does not mean to make it seem this way.
However, he expressed he did not know what to get me for our six-month anniversary. It hurt a little, because I listen attentively and knew exactly what to get him. But for me, I actually have to say things to him promptly instead of dropping hints easily. Now, I have a question. I'd prefer you not be too harsh with me, but do I have a right to be upset about this? It upsets me that he doesn't listen. I mention things I've always wanted before, and sometimes it just gets to the point where I say something and he doesn't even respond, and I go to class feeling like shit some days, but that barely happens anymore. I told him to forget about giving each other gifts since it's such a struggle for him to find something I want, even if I give him several hints. It hurts. Any advice, and am I being too sensitive or nit-picky? Thanks.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Gift Giving?
First off, you are way too young to be letting his responses to you affect you in this way. If you are going off to class upset because he isn't responding to you in a certain way, tells me you are giving too much power to stuff that doesn't really matter.
The first thing you should know about men is that they DO NOT take hints very easily! I was married for 11 years and it took a good 5 years before he actually figured out the kind of stuff I wanted for gifts, but as always, it is the thought that counts. I think you see his lack of knowing as lack of thoughtfulness, but trust me, most guys are dense when it comes to romance. It is a learned thing not an innate thing:)
Women are better at figuring out the kind of gifts guys want because we tend to hang on every word our guy says. It's just how we are programmed, so do not take his not knowing as a sign he cares less for you than you do for him.
I would suggest putting off gifts until your first year anniversary! Take the pressure off of both of you and just spend the day together doing something you both enjoy.
I hope this helps!
PS I totally understand WHY this bothers you, but as an older woman, I can tell you it shouldn't.
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I can understand where you are coming from completely but then again guys are good with hints. When you want a guy to do something you got to tell him to do it. It's VERY rare you'll find a guy who actually knows what to do. My boyfriend is good sometimes and other times I have to write it out for him. It doesn't make me love him any less but it irrtates me. No relationship is going to be perfect and what I have learned is that you can't plan things they just happen. My boyfriend treats me like a queen and he really does care. All that should matter that day is that you two are celebrating your relationship and what you mean to each other. It shouldn't be about the gifts or bought the better gift. It should be about the fact that you care about each other and that you enjoy spending time together! Congrats to the both of you! :)
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You're being way too sensitive and way too nitpicky. Guys are not mind readers, and I don't get why so many girls are under the impression that we are, and then get mad when we don't respond the way you want us to when you aren't even being direct. Its silly. Hints that may seem obvious to you may not be so obvious to him. Guys often have difficulty getting presents that women like because women go out of their way to be indirect when it comes to requests (because your guy should know you sooo well that he shouldn't even have to ask what you want, he should just be psychic right?). That's not how it works in the real world.
Tell him the TYPE of gift you would like. Give him different ideas of things you would like to receive from him. Tell him you like, for instance, perfume, clothes, jewelry, certain books you've wanted, stuff like that so he can have a direct idea of what you want. That way it can still be a surprise because you don't know exactly what he will get for you, but you both can be sure you will still like it.
This relationship isn't about you. He shouldn't have to cater to you and go through this complex process of figuring out what you means when you say certain things or drop hints because you choose not to be straightforward. There's no reason for you to do that. It over complicated things and is one of the biggest causes of problems in relationships.
At the same time, from his end, when he says something hurtful, let him know. Its important in life to know when you're wrong, how else can you correct yourself? I had a girlfriend who used to say very hurtful things on accident, because even though she was being honest, she didn't realize that what she was saying was rude until I told her. Its a part of growing up. If he accidentally offends you, tell him. Don't get all passive aggressive, just be straightforward and let him know he hurt your feelings. Verbal sensitivity is something that's learned, not intuitive.
As for your overall situation, I know it may be hard, but try to calm down a little. Gifts really don't matter in the end (or at least they shouldn't). They are just materialistic ways of showing affection, popularized by a commercial society where showing that you love someone means you have to spend money on them. What really matters is how he acts towards you, not what you buy for each other, or how much you spend on each other, or whether or not you like your gifts. It really is the thought that counts, because money is temporary; thoughts are timeless.
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