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How To Tell Him No
Idk if it makes a difference but im 16 and my boyfriend is 18. I have been dating him for a little more then eight months. He seems like the perfect guy and i love him as well as him me. Of course we have hade makeout sessions and all, but im still a virgin. He's never forced it on me to have sex and but when we get really hot when making out, he starts touching and its not bad until i have to push him away. We havent really talked about it but the few times i have tried he doesnt understand why i dont want to. It might be the fact that he isnt a virgin. I need help...how do i bring up this conversation. How do i explain that its important to me that i want to keep my virginity for a while longer maybe after we have been together for a year or longer
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All the other answers are sweet, but I am going to be realistic with you here. A man can be the sweetest guy in the world, respectful, kind, and very good to you, but if you are making out with and getting him all hot and bothered, it doesn't make him a monster because he wants to have sex with you:)
So, don't buy into the bs that if he "loves" you, he will wait for you. Pretty basically, men need sex.
So now that we have that out of the way, I do not think you should ever have sex with anyone for any reason other than YOU want to. So do not let anyone manipulate you, guilt you, or frustrate you into giving up your virginity. You do not want to regret it the first time you make love. From what you said, I don't think he is putting any intense kind of pressure on you, so that is good. But we still have a problem.
I do not know about your state, but some states would consider it statutory rape if you did have sex, even if it is consensual. So, check out the laws in your state. The consequence of jail time may be enough to make him wait. But assuming it is legal for you to be with him and you want to find a solution to this problem, there may be something else you can do.
If you feel that you love him and believe that you guys will go the long haul and if he is good to you always, You may want to consider going a little bit further with him, but stopping at intercourse. There are other things you can do to keep him satisfied until you are ready to take the next step.
I do not know you personally or the dynamics of your relationship, so I cannot advise you on what you should do, but just know that most women wish they would have waited until they were older to have sex. People mature at different rates, but considering the adult brain is not completely formed until he/she is 25 year's old, waiting until at least 18 isn't that long of a wait.
You will be older and it will be easier to deal with all the stuff that comes along with having sex. It is a huge responsibility and one that will affect you emotionally, psychologically, and sometimes, in the case of disease and pregnancy, physically, possibly for the rest of your life.
Don't be afraid because it is amazingly beautiful when you are with the right person at the right time. So whatever you do, be safe and make sure it is you that wants it.
I hope this helps!
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The same way you just did!
Talk to your boyfriend and let him know your beliefs and how important it is to you. If he truly loves you he will respect your decision and wait. Its nothing to be ashamed of and its nothing to feel sorry about. Your boyfriend should also be a guy that you can confide in and that will be there for you. You should be able to talk to him about anything. So just have a serious talk with him and tell him what you're thinking.
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its yours not his : ) you're a gem of a woman, and you wan to stay that way. I honestly feel like he's a creep who wants to rob you of your innocence. If he's the one they'll be plenty of time for him to get it in you. I bet you're a little noble. The man you end up spending your life with will cherish you for you've never corrupted yourself with multiple relationships. Sex is not special. The first time is special. I wish hers was with me.
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As a guy, I honestly think that the best way for you to approach him is to wait until you're alone, and tell him you have something you want to talk to him about. Explain why you want to wait. Tell him that you want it to be special - not that it wouldn't be special with him - you just want to wait for the right moment or until you've been in a relationship longer. Those might not necessarily be your reasons, but whatever your personal reasons are, just kindly explain them to him.
If he cares, he'll understand or at least do his best to, and he'll respect your wishes(which it sounds like he has been). There are a lot of guys who wouldn't be so understanding, so to me it seems like this guy really cares about you. So just tell him that you aren't ready yet, and that it's an emotional thing. When you're both ready, and when the time is right, you'll be glad you waited that extra time.
I hope this was helpful.
Best of luck,
WittedPanda
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