|
My mother is taking me to the gynecologist. What do I do?
I have been dating my boyfriend for about six months. He and I have a very stable relationship, full of happiness and trust and good chemistry. He is my best friend and I couldn't ask for anything more.
We have sex about every week.
Today, we were babysitting, and we were just chilling, watching movies and taking naps. We babysat from 12 until 8, and then the baby went to sleep. My mother came home and said, "You and Josh (my boyfriend) better not be doing anything bad when you're home all alone." I just stared at my computer. "I'm going to set up an appointment for the gynecologist." I could feel my face turn red with embarrassment and shame. I was about to cry but I bit my lip and turned up my music. She said that she wanted to check my health and such, but I know it is for more reasons than that. The first time I had sex two years ago, she found out, and she blew her top. She took me to therapy and labeled me as a slut, took my phone and internet away for four months. She took a long time to trust me again.
I am so upset right now. I feel so ashamed. But at the same time, I am old enough to be responsible about sex. I stay protected and I never take chances. I'm never forced to do anything I don't want to do by my boyfriend, I always do these things by choice. Do you agree with me? I am very mature and I think it's wrong to punish me for doing a natural, human thing. As long as I'm responsible, it doesn't matter. I've only had sex once before my boyfriend, but it was only a decision I regret. My boyfriend and I have sex often, but we don't do much besides foreplay, but it's never pressured.
I am scared as hell. She's going to beat the living shit out of me if she finds out. I've never been to a gynecologist before, and I am terrified that somehow the doctor will have a way to know if I have had sex or not. I am so upset right now, I am crying as I am typing this. She'll try to take me away from my boyfriend and she will never have trust in me ever again. I'm torn apart, but I think it is unfair. I need help. Please answer respectfully, I don't want any lectures about my activities, this is my life.
I just want to be informed about gynecologist appointments, what they do, if they could tell if I've had sex or not, and what I should do about my mother and my predicament. Many thanks.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
First: For all the wrong reasons your mother is doing the right thing by taking you to a gynecologist. Once a women starts getting her period she needs to see a gynecologist on a yearly basis as part of her yearly physical.
Second: Mom is really going to hate this but; if you're over 14 mom cannot be told anything about you sexual health without your written consent to the doctor. Do not allow her to bully you into signing anything that forces you to give her knowledge of anything that happens between you and the doctor. Mom is also barred from being in the exam room with you and the doctor.
This is your right under a Federal Law called HIPPA; which stands for Health Information Personal Privacy Act. It specifically states in the law that children over 14, specifically females, have medical confidentiality when it comes to examination and treatment of their reproductive organs. The law was written so that you can speak to your doctor openly about anything that is bothering you and answer the doctors questions truthfully and fully. This allows for proper treatment of anything that may be bothering you.
When you check in for your visit tell the receptionist that you want to see the doctor in private. The nurses will handle your mother. When your mom inquires of the doctor, the doctor will inform your mother that your visit and any treatment is confidential and it is up to you to tell her what went on. You can simply tell her that the doctor examined you and if you like treated you for a problem you've been having with your periods. This would explain any birth control medication.
If you want birth control pills this would be the time to ask for them. The doctor will discuss with you different options you have then write you a prescription.
The HIPPA Law covers you at your family doctor as well up to the point of any life threatening illness that by law your parents would have to make a decision about. Actually HIPPA effects any medical practitioner including Firefighters, Paramedics and EMTs.
If you were in an accident by law Hospital personnel could not tell anyone you were there without your permission. It would be a good idea to keep a note in your purse to the effect that in the event of an accident notify these people.
As to whether the doctor can tell if you have had sex or not. Under the law I have explained it becomes immaterial. But unless there is seminal fluid in your vagina. It would be hard for the doctor to know anything other than you might not be a virgin because of a missing Hymen.
So let mom take you to the doctor. You need to see this specialist anyway. All she will learn is that you are a young lady who's reproductive health is by law her own business and mom should keep her nose out of your pants so to speak.
Now as a parent I have to add. This does not give you licence to go out and have indiscriminate sex. A responsible sex life is just as important as anything else you do in life. So be mature as you say you are and wait until the time is right to have a complete sex life.
]
If you are over the age 14, You can legally see a doctor without your mother being in the room. Also, You have patient privacy meaning by law your doctor cannot tell your mother anything without your consent.
There is a law called HIPAA which stands for
Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act
You can read up more information about this here: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Your mother cannot be told anything without your permission. However despite her knowing or not I encourage you to continue with the precautions.
]
More Questions: |