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trouble in paradise
im an 18 year old female and have been with my boyfriend for 18 months, but recently we have been fighting a lot for silly reasons, and he told me today that he is constantly angry and frustrated with me and i feel the same way, i don't know why we feel this way is this normal, or the beginning of the end?
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Relationships hit bumps and it's hard not everything is going to be smooth. Relationships have their challenges, its all about how you react and how you handle them. I have stupid fights with my boyfriend, I mean extremely stupid fights even about stupid things my boyfriend says. Then 5 mins later we apologize and everything is dandy. We have had our times where I have been fed up and I made a bad call and broke up with him. We have now realized that it's not going to help the relationship so it's better the figure out a solution and be better at communicating. I love my boyfriend is amazing and there isn't anything I wouldn't do for him. If we have a problem I want to talk it out and find a solution and that's what we do. We also give each other space from one another we don't talk everyday and we have our occasional date nights. I wouldn't worry too much, maybe just have a discussion with your boyfriend and see how he's feeling about this and see if you two can come up with a solution. Good luck!
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The next couple of things i'm going to tell you, you may not have interest in, and you may think "Why is she telling me this? I don't care about her relationships, I need help with mine!" But if you read it, you will find it helpfull. I promise.
I was kind of in the same boat you are in. I'm 19, and my boyfriend is 18. We've been together for almost a year and a half. He lives with me and my parents since his mama left him homeless. Before he moved in with me, I worked all the time and I was in my senior year of high school (he went to the same school as well), whichs means I only saw him for 30 minutes a day, before I'd go into work, because I got off late.
One my days off, we'd spend together. We never really fought as much as we do now. Since he's been living with me for the past 6 months, we fight over anything, everything and anything he does irriates the hell out of me, I get so angry and mad at him, ect.
I don't even like cuddling with him, or really kissing him. He's really affectionate with me and whatnot, but when he tries I just back away, or get irriatated.
I thought my relationship was doomed. I thought it was a sign we weren't meant for each other, or that I was losing feelings for him.
I got on here and asked, and a lot of people gave me some help. All said the same. I even asked my parents, the two people, who were around us all the time; they said the same.
It's because we are spending too much time together; I took this as a bad thing.
*If we act like this because we spend too much time together; how the hell are we supposed to get married and start our future together??*
Honestly, I think its because of our ages. We aren't mature, or ready for marriage. So the day you spend alot of time together and the reaction isn't like that, than thats how you know.
But girl, your relationship isn't falling apart. You need to look at every aspect of your relationship. You need to figure out why you guys feel that negativity towards each other. You need to take a step back, when your alone by yourself and ask yourself,
"Do I really love him? How would my life be, if I wasn't with him? Would I even care if I lost him?"
Those questions really helped me. When I think about losing my boyfriend, it hurts me, so much. I just couldn't imagine spending my life without him.
You could have a different reaction. But if any part of you is directing you to staying with him, than don't leave him.
Communication is the main key. Instead of getting angry with him and frustrated, be calm. Especially if it's something so little and foolish.
Try spending time apart. Distances makes the heart grow. Seriously! One thing that really helped my relationship, is that I told Riley, (my bf) that I needed to go stay with my Nana for a while; I stayed there for a week, and I didn't talk to him. I told him why I was doing this, and it wasn't my way of leaving him. He understood.
If you guys don't live together, than simply go a week without seeing or talking to him.
The day that marks a week, plan a cute little date. I took mine out to eat, and than to see a movie he's been wanting to see; I got butterflies, I got nervous when I saw him; I felt like just like I did when we first started dating. I was kissing him, hugging him, ect.
It's been almost a month, and we haven't had a silly agruement, I haven't got annoyed with him, and I've been more affectionate.
Sorry if my advice bored you, but I really hope it helped. I wanted to just let you know, that you aren't going through this alone, and that it's normal. You will get through it, and everything will be fine.
But you need to also sit down with your boyfriend, and ask him why he feels that way; because my boyfriend never felt angry or frustrated with me; so maybe its more him than you? Find out what his views are on why he feels that way, and help him with it.
Good Luck. If you ever need anything else, please don't heistate to inbox me.
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There isn't a whole lot of detail so my advice is limited.
Do you and your boyfriend spend a lot of time together? Sometimes when couples spend all their time together it causes tension, stress and before you know it you've got yourself a dog fight. Lets face it, You two have been in a relationship for over a year now and if you want to make things work then you have to communicate and give one another time to breathe by going off for a few hours and spending your time apart. Now ask yourself, Why are you angry?...Why are you frustrated? and what can you do to fix it.
If you two need to breathe, Then instead of talking/texting everyday try to keep it every other day. If you spend all your time together then try to see each other every other day or on weekends where you two can have time apart and when you are together you'll have something to talk about. If you are bored and don't know what to do with one another then plan a day to go out and do something fun. Go to the movies, Dinner, Mini Golfing, Snow Tubing etc. *If you call your movies I believe they have discounted tickets once a week* Plan something fun to do together and most of all remember to communicate.
Best of luck..
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