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i go with older guys i relized i do this because i want to find love my dad never gave me. what should i do? <<< Previous Question
Next Question >>> how to get my mom to like him again

College life: To dorm or not to dorm? I can't afford an apartment!


Question Posted Tuesday January 3 2012, 5:57 pm

hey there. i'm 21/f and I feel like it's time to move out. I have come here several times to vent and get advice about how to deal with my family. they are extremely overprotective and have no respect for my privacy or my school work. I am in college and studying to be a kindergarten teacher. It's a very time consuming major, as most education majors would know. grant you, we don't have as many exams and things like that, but there are a lot of projects and things like that. At my house, people really have no respect for my school work.

My mom doesn't have a job. I'm not really sure what the deal is or if she even wants one. But, we live with my grandparents and she spends the majority of the day helping my grandmother with housework. I was working a lot. To the point that it was interfering with school and I felt myself getting really depressed because I really hated the job. I am now held back an entire semester because of all the stress. It feels like living at home is another job. When I get home, I don't relax. I don't have my own room. Everyone is always in there watching television, and messing up my things. I am not even exaggerating. I took pictures to show my therapist the messes that they have made in "my" area. I don't have a desk in my room. I've brought it to their attention several times. But, nothing gets done. They're just like: "go to the back room." There's no table in the house for me to sit in and just do my homework. There's always people over.

If I were to just go to school and focus on that, and not work, then I could finish the majority of my work in the library without a problem. But, the library closes and I'm working, then I really can't go to the library because the hours interfere with one another. Anyway, I hated my job and my boss was very abusive and got in trouble and I'd just rather find another job down the road. But, if I do start working, I'm going to need the dorm. Because, there's no way I can work and live at home. There's no place to do my work, there's no respect for my privacy. People walk into the bathroom while I'm in the bathroom, They have taken my clothes and put them in a huge pile of a mess. My mom and I argue all the time because she wants me to use my money towards getting fake nails, hair extensions, and a fake tan. It's just so much tension. So much tension. The other day, my phone was lost. Someone found it and I guess they called her because she's saved under Mom and that's the person they decided to call. She picked it up and spent the day reading through my text messages. There is no concept of privacy. It just doesn't exist. When I get home from work/school, it's like 9pm, and I feel more stress and more tension than I did at school/work. School is the most fun thing out of the three.

So, I thought the best solution would just be to get a dorm. I can find a job that I would like if I want to, after I get into the rhythm of the semester. But, I could actually do well in school, focus on what I have to do, and not argue. I just need the privacy more than anything.

But, here is the problem: I would need to take out a loan. So far, I haven't needed any loans. I have a full scholarship. So, I'm scared to take out the loan. I wouldn't have to pay it back until 6 months after graduation. That's the only thing holding me back. That, and that I'm scared. I guess it's normal. But, that's why I'm here. To get advice.

So, to dorm or not to dorm? I can't afford an apartment because I would need to pay 3 months in advance and they don't offer loans for that. So, that's not an option. Thank you.


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Ignatz answered Wednesday January 4 2012, 5:08 pm:
Definitely do the dorm. It puts you right in the life of the campus, closer to classes, and in contact with a diverse grouping of people. I'm still friends with people I met in my college dorm, and that was almost 20 years ago.

Take the loan, but be very careful. Check out the lender beforehand; ask about their risk management policies. What happens if you can't find a job after graduation? Can you defer the payment, or make partial payments? Do they resell the loans? (If they resell their loans, you might end up with a different company with entirely new debt collection terms.)


Also look into alternate sources of funding. Does your college offer work-study? Does your scholarship make you ineligible for Pell grants or Stafford loans? Are there any grants available for early-childhood studies?

Hope this helps, and good luck.

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a13d answered Wednesday January 4 2012, 12:05 am:
I defintly say Dorm!, it is a great privalage and seems very fun!!, it is also less expensive and your best bet, besides its on school grounds (depending) so it would be easy to get to classes on time! hope I helped good luck(: if you need anymore help just inbox me:D

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Razhie answered Tuesday January 3 2012, 6:32 pm:
Take out the loan and move into a dorm.

There is good debt, and bad debt.

Going into debt to buy clothes or trips to New York - that is bad debt. Going into debt to invest in your academic success and mental health, that is very good debt. Going into debt is necessary in this world right now to achieve many things you might want in life. It’s not the ‘wrong’ thing to do in many cases.

Going into debt for the first time is legitimately frightening. I’m 26 and managed to graduate from university with very little debt, and some of my friends did as well. Some of them had to take some loans part way through school, and others had their first experience of ‘debt’ after we graduated. I think each and every one of us flipped out the first time we had to borrow money for tuition, or a car to get to and from work, or to buy a house. We all just flipped out a little at the idea.

It’s not a bad thing to find it a little scary, but it certainly sounds like the right thing to do.

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