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My dad is always bashing on me because I'm the oldest.
I'm 17 and oldest of 2 other sisters and having problems with my dad. We haven't been close since I was a little kid, mainly because my dad has problems.... He explodes when he gets mad, he's annoying, judgemental, and always criticizing me any chance he gets, and lots more. He says I'm lazy because when I'm not at school or working at my job I usually try to catch up on sleep or relax... He says my 14 year old sister does everything and that I do nothing. I try to explain my sleep deprived situation but he doesn't listen to a word and yells over everything I say. I don't talk to him unless it's necessary. He's always lecturing me about how I need to improve myself. He's just always on my case stating how messed up I am and why I can't be more like him, or more like my sister, more like other people. I can't take it. He's always upsetting me and I end up crying and hyperventilating. It's so hard dealing with someone like this when they're supposed to be there to support you. How do I deal with a dad like this?
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i know exactly how you feel. its not easy at all. ive been dealing with the same thing but not with my dad, its with his gf. shes always telling me i need to be more like my little sister. it gets soooo old and i end up crying too....the way i deal with it is i listen to music. it helps me a lot. just remember, be who you are. dont let anyone or anything change you. im sure you have a lot of people that love you dearly that you can talk to about this. maybe they can help you with this, like maybe they talk to your dad and try to get him to realize that you two are growing apart and that hes hurting you....i hope i helped you a little
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I've been dealing with this my entire 19 years of living. It sucks. All you want to do is make your father proud of you, and it feels like everything you do isn't enough. He never seems to listen, and when you think he does, its never positive feedback, just more negative and cristism.
It sucks. I know. I have a younger brother. My dad all the time says, "Your a mistake. Thank God we had Crimson (my brother) to sort of make up for us having you"-- I'm in college for Labor and Delivery, work full time, and still clean the house before he gets home from work; and even that isn't enough. I made straight A's on my first semester. Super excited. I told my dad and he said, "Ok? You could have done better!" what the hell? How do you do better than that?
I know you don't care to hear those things about my life, but its to show you, you aren't alone. I know living in a household with that many people, you feel like your alone in a room full of people, and that your a burden in your own house. Talking to you dad isn't a good idea, because I know listening isn't one of his skilled points. It's hard to talk to someone who doesn't listen and who thinks they are right about everything.
But I have something that will help you.
I've talked to my dad once I almost killed myself, (dont try it, its not worth it) that made him open his eyes though, he said he loves me more than anything, he's just tough on me because he doesn't want to fail me as a father. He said that his dad talked to him that way, so thats all he ever know.
You need to figure out what his childhood was like. What was the relationship like with his mother and his father. I'd sit down and ask him. Try figuring that out.
More importantly, you need to stick up for yourself. You cannot allow him to talk to you that way. Man up. If he says things to you that hurts you, let him know right then. Randomly out of the day, have him sit down, and than tell him how you feel. Sometimes they don't see what they are doing, when they do it. It's just a lifestyle for them.
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First of all I don't think the problem is all you as your father makes out.
As the oldest child you are the child we as parents you could say cut our parenting teeth on. You're the one we make the mistakes with. I'm still not saying you are in the wrong here. What I'm saying is that with the oldest child we may find we were to lenient or maybe to strict or to indulgent. When the second child comes along we have this parenting thing a little better under control. If there is a third or more children of the marriage parenting becomes easier.
Now as the oldest child gets older and we start
to compare the younger to the older we wrongly try to correct what we see as something we did wrong in raising the older child. From my point of view if we have raised the older child to know right from wrong, to obey the law and the rules of society, to get good grades at school, respect their elders, care and have respect for themselves then we have done our jobs as parents.
From what you have written you hold a job and go to school. Since you did not write about grades I will assume for the moment that you bring home acceptable grades. Teenagers both boys and girls need and value their sleep more than younger children. This is a known fact both to doctors and teachers. May High Schools have instituted Saturday detention because of the value students place on sleep.
As to what you can do to deal with your father better, I wish I had an answer for you. You can certainly try to do what he is asking of you. Frankly though I think he will just find other things to pick on. This is my appraisal based on your writing. Here again I believe this is more dad and what he is doing based on his feelings of correcting what he sees as wrongs in his raising of you. If you are a good kid in the ways I explained above just ride it out. When you leave for college things will change between you and your dad.
As I am old enough to be your grandfather I am unfortunately speaking from experience as many of us parents have gone through just what I have written. Its wrong and I have made it up to my son. Hopefully your dad, in the future, will make it up to you.
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