|
I am dead person but not as real as I would be when I kill myself
I’m totally ruined, I can’t tolerate any severe pains that I’m suffering, I feel I should end this and kill myself.
I have to, every second my mind tell me this spontaneously!
I’m 25 years old, male and I live in Iran (yeah a hellish country as you probably know that!)
I have no job, no activity, and I struggle with severe depression since I was 15, I actually commit suicide once when I was teenager, I never had any girlfriend and no one ever told me that I like you.
just now I have anxiety too, I’m on medication now for 2 month but I feel it just getting worse.
my life spent for music and instrument (some traditional Iranian music and Guitar). I had all playing and practicing in the darkness of my room in a total loneliness, but now for six month I’m afraid to lay a hand in any instruments I’m afraid all I would hear is my loneliness or delirium.
I hate my country, I hate Islam, and I hate the dictatorship of tyranny which is ruling and forcing its power into each Iranian life. And because I didn’t serve mandatory service in military I don’t have the right for working, or passport and right to leave the country or a global identity.
when I was teenager or a kid I used to talk to god, but now I truly doubt his existence, when I talk to him it’s like I’m just talking to myself in a total darkness. I am a spiritual guy but I’m afraid I sense all religions and all things about god is a big lie! There is no meaning in life. I’m scared.
Sometimes I stay in my room for total 3 weeks and I have great tendency to not leave the house.
Now I have a plan to leave Iran illegally and accept all the risks which would be in the way and I bring myself to UK. There is the only hope only light for me. But I’m scared. Because I know a lot of people there would behave me with discrimination and racism. I’m afraid I would be rejected. Sometimes I feel I’m just a garbage which should be get ridden of. I need help….!
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
Well, first off, try to save as much money as possible and take the risk of leaving. You're miserable! If your scared about being discriminated by, just tell them your Egyptian or something. No one will know you, you can be whomever you want to be. Dont kill yourself. I attempted suicide over 10 times and nothing worked. I should have been dead a long time ago, but i think theres a reason why im alive now, just like you are. I took a few bottles of sleeping pills, but i just woke up the next day. I tried hanging myself but the pipe that I connected the rope to broke, and someone saved me the other times. Theres a reason why im alive. Start life fresh. Get out of there. good luck.
]
is there really no other way to leave country...?snds like thts what u need to do to survive.religons all the same to me too.ido believe were energy and we attract like...have u seen "the secret"?worth a watch.
]
I understand your pain God gave you life and you have no right to end it. The answer is simple, give your live to christ and you will have peace. No condition is permanent, have faith in God and be a christian, make your bible your best novel! God help you.
]
I understand your pain so well. You are so much stronger than you now know. Just the fact that you are expressing your pain and releasing the emotion means that you have not given up. I live half a world away in a beautiful place surrounded by opulence wealth and possibility,,,but I feel the same way that you do, I have been in better circumstances and I have been in much worse, One thing is constant...Me and what I believe about myself. I listen to your expression of fear hopelessness and anger and I understand. The only help I have to offer is the Truth I have come to know in my endless search for peace and relief from my mind - the power MUST come from within you...your mind will save or destroy you...right now my mind is trying to kill me...you are giving me hope and an opportunity to overcome my own feelings of nothingness..garbage...uselessness. my story is one of selfishness and self centerdness. I have hurt so many people with my unconscious actions for as long as I can remember...then the light of god shines in me,,,if only for a moment and I see the ignorance and ego that drives me,,,truly the devil inside. You and I suffer at deeper emotional levels than some and we so desperately want to change the way we and things and people and governments and the world are. I am contemplating leaving this realm more seriously than I ever have in my life. I too have suffered from depression/addiction/sadness/weakness/negativity/despair for most of my life. Label it whatever you want - it is a sickness of the soul and it origonates in the mind. I pray that you find your way to the UK and that you overcome the negative energies that are trying to convince you that you should die. You should not and neither should I. We NEED to CHOOSE life - every moment. Choose to live. You have helped me today. Have Faith that you will be led in the right direction, Believe with everything in you that your lie can change, The right people will show up. The doors will open and you will be ok. Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts with you, Please be well
]
you are not any garbage sweetie,I bet you're really cute and quite sensitive,I can see that through your writing,you need someone who cares about you and makes you feel things you haven't experienced yet,you are so alone and nobody can cope with it for too long bc we are social beings,we need to share good and bad things with others,otherwise bad things will devour you,you are so young and full of life,your mission in life is bearly starting,go for it!!!only apples fall down from trees and run into your head,not people,nor happiness,you have to look for it,you'll thank yourself later!!just try to be happy with what you already have and where you already live:)
]
More Questions: |