Member Since: January 7, 2012
Answers: 1
Last Update: January 7, 2012
Visitors: 328
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I’m totally ruined, I can’t tolerate any severe pains that I’m suffering, I feel I should end this and kill myself.
I have to, every second my mind tell me this spontaneously!
I’m 25 years old, male and I live in Iran (yeah a hellish country as you probably know that!)
I have no job, no activity, and I struggle with severe depression since I was 15, I actually commit suicide once when I was teenager, I never had any girlfriend and no one ever told me that I like you.
just now I have anxiety too, I’m on medication now for 2 month but I feel it just getting worse.
my life spent for music and instrument (some traditional Iranian music and Guitar). I had all playing and practicing in the darkness of my room in a total loneliness, but now for six month I’m afraid to lay a hand in any instruments I’m afraid all I would hear is my loneliness or delirium.
I hate my country, I hate Islam, and I hate the dictatorship of tyranny which is ruling and forcing its power into each Iranian life. And because I didn’t serve mandatory service in military I don’t have the right for working, or passport and right to leave the country or a global identity.
when I was teenager or a kid I used to talk to god, but now I truly doubt his existence, when I talk to him it’s like I’m just talking to myself in a total darkness. I am a spiritual guy but I’m afraid I sense all religions and all things about god is a big lie! There is no meaning in life. I’m scared.
Sometimes I stay in my room for total 3 weeks and I have great tendency to not leave the house.
Now I have a plan to leave Iran illegally and accept all the risks which would be in the way and I bring myself to UK. There is the only hope only light for me. But I’m scared. Because I know a lot of people there would behave me with discrimination and racism. I’m afraid I would be rejected. Sometimes I feel I’m just a garbage which should be get ridden of. I need help….!
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Well, first off, try to save as much money as possible and take the risk of leaving. You're miserable! If your scared about being discriminated by, just tell them your Egyptian or something. No one will know you, you can be whomever you want to be. Dont kill yourself. I attempted suicide over 10 times and nothing worked. I should have been dead a long time ago, but i think theres a reason why im alive now, just like you are. I took a few bottles of sleeping pills, but i just woke up the next day. I tried hanging myself but the pipe that I connected the rope to broke, and someone saved me the other times. Theres a reason why im alive. Start life fresh. Get out of there. good luck.
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