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Self loathing
I'm not sure if I put my question in the correct category, but it seems as good a place as any. I am at University, in my third year studying Englis Literature and Sociology. I am struggling with how I feel-I usually get ok grades, sometimes outstanding ones, but I worry all the time that my work isn't good enough, and I never think that I am doing/have done enough. I wish I could work harder, but I can't seem to make myself. I waste time stressing when I could be studying. I also have a lot of low self esteem related stuff-I feel pretty dingy about myself, and that other people must be laughing at me, and think that I'm boring and stupid.
The sad thing is that reading this, you'd probably guess that I was in my late teens or very early twenties, but you'd be wrong: I'm 28. This is my second shot at University after I dropped out first time 'round, so actually my performance is a vast improvement on my previous. But I just worry all the time that I am unemployable, and that when I finish (if I even finish) I'll just be left with a pretty bit of paper and nothing much else. I am not a member of any kind of extracurricular activity or anything like that: I am too shy and awkward. I actually hate turning up to classes because I feel so awkward, but I know that has to be overcome. Does anyone have any wisdom/advice/good thoughts?
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my god!!!!!I´m wordless!!!just cheer up!!!I´m a student of English at University as well!!!and I´m 26!!!look, just do what you have to do and that´s all!!!just keep on trying your best and study a lot!!there are no efforts without rewards!!you´ll thank yourself later,believe me!!I ADMIRE you and I dont think you are awkward at all!!
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Being insecure is, in my opinion, one of the hardest things we have to deal with. It's ever-present and affects all aspects of what you do. Here's the thing: you can overcome it. It's totally doable. I don't know you at all, but just from reading this I can tell you have more self-esteem than you let yourself believe. You get good grades and you're able to recognize that. You are trying school AGAIN. What stands out to me about this is not the fact that you dropped out at first, it's the fact that you're brave enough to go back. As for the fact that you're 28, it does not matter. Self esteem issues aren't usually the type that one grows out of with age, hell, my grandmother's best friend is really insecure!
I would suggest talking to someone. Going to a counselor or a therapist can be very helpful. I think based on the fact that you said you're grades and such are being affected because of this, it's gotten to a point where solving this by yourself is going to be very hard. There is nothing wrong with seeking help, in fact, it's admirable.
Good luck :)
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