|
Cutting down
I've been with my boyfriend for two and a half years, and our relationship has been through various things (We got together when he was in his final year of high school, I was in my second last) As you can see, this meant that our relationship went through seeing each other almost every day, to once or so a week once he graduated and started working and now we see each other whenever we can, as I am in university and he is still working (but starting university next year).
The thing is though that I get clingy. I know it myself, and I've been trying to work on keeping the distance. My boyfriend would really like to disappear for a day or two every now and then. But I somehow always get the feeling that if I didn't initiate contact, it could be a week without me hearing from him and I'm not really up for such.
Right now, I'm just asking for tips on how I can keep my distance. In the sense that if we were together one day, how do I resist temptations to text or whatever him the next day already?
Overall, how do I keep myself from being overly-clingy?
Naturally I have other friends, and I do things with them, as well as I am busy with university studies so I am not a forever alone person dependent on my boyfriend! Of course not.
But the temptation to text is still there, if that makes sense.
Anyone have any tips? I know he gets tired of this sometimes, and he's honest about it. But at the same time he knows I'm trying and it's not as if I am purposefully like that.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I have to say that AdviceMistress' recommendations are right on point.
I just want to say, though, that I'm not sure you're being clingy unless you're bombarding him every hour on the hour with text messages, phone calls, etc. I personally sympathize a lot with your situation. If I were your boyfriend I would be equally frustrated that we couldn't be together more.
Just remember, too, that guys aren't as verbal as women. So if his responses seem a little inert at times it is only because he is a somewhat flummoxed in coming up with the right words so that he doesn't piss you off or sadden you. Guys tend to like to show you how much they love you rather than express it verbally anyway. This, I'm sure, kinda makes things worse for women in your situation who need more than occasional reassurance (women's yen for security).
So just try to relax. If you feel you have to communicate with him, keep it light and brief. If you keep your communication to every other day you definitely won't be thought of as clingy, at least to me. And definitely don't overthink things.
]
Being together for two and half years, I wouldn't think a simple text once a day should be a problem. No, men usually do not like to talk on the phone very much and texting isn't anything they ant to do. However, a two and half year relationship is not one in which you are "clingy" because you text him the day after you've seen him.
Now if you are sending message after message to him all day long, then yeah that is way too much.
I do not think disappearing for a couple of days is appropriate for him to be doing either.
If he is asking you to stay completely away without even texting him at all for a day or two, I would find that very unreasonable and a little suspicious.
Sounds to me like the two of you need to sit down together and have a discussion about your relationship and expectations each of you has now and for the future.
Good luck.
]
Being together for two and half years, I wouldn't think a simple text once a day should be a problem. Men usually don't like to text too much, but a simple message or two should not be a problem for him. I would not call that "clingy" at all.
Blowing up his phone with messages, needing to know where he is every minute, and expecting him to spend all his free time with you is clingy.
I do not think disappearing for a couple of days is appropriate for him to be doing either.
If he is asking you to stay completely away without even texting him at all for a day or two, I find that unreasonable and a little suspicious. You have been dating for two and half years, not two and half weeks right?
It really sounds like the two of you need to sit down together and have a discussion about your relationship and the expectations each of you has now and for the future.
Good luck.
]
I use to have trouble with the same thing. My boyfriend and I have been together on and off for 4 years. It wasn't until this year that we figured out a system and a plan. Due to our work schedules we see each other on the weekends and we have date night usually on Saturdays. That's the day I know I'll see him for sure. Usually after hanging out I give him a day or two by himself to do his school work or to just chill out. He even has time to hang out with his guys (guys need to have time for their friends as well). I auggest trying to back up a little bit and give him space and let him be free. I don't like it when anyone is on top of me and not letting me do what I need to do. I like having 'me' time it's good because I can do what I want such as exercising or projects. You have to understand that you ahd a life before he came around. Maybe come up with a plan on phone calls and date nights. Maybe have him set up a date night once a week and you promise to give him 1 or 2 days to do things on his own. He isn't going anyway and every once in awhile people need a little bit of time from one other. Maybe when you feel like texting him call or text a friend. Hang in there! Good luck!
]
It makes complete sense to me and I'm sorry that the only advice I have is to just keep up with the studies and your friends. Keep busy!!! When you get the urge to text him ... Text your friend instead, call a family memeber ... come on here and give advice. Just make yourself think of doing something/anything that does not have to do with him. It's a mind over matter thing ... I know easier said than done but you can do it!!!
]
More Questions: |