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Time to end this friendship?
hi, 20/m.
Me and my best friend have been having problems recently. We have been friends for 5-6 years now, and we talk to each other all day every day (BBM). We usually have arguments now and again, but recently its been quite bad.
She kept calling me 'stuck-up' and 'pretentious' because I dont like doing the same things we used to (drinking in a park, going to a trashy casino etc). Recently, she's been hanging out with another of our mutual friends a lot. When they stopped talking, she started talking to me much more often. And when they start talking again, we don't talk much. I feel a bit like a 'back-up plan' to be honest.
The other day she said she was going to ask me to go and watch a movie with her, but that I 'wouldn't have come' because I 'only come out when [I] want to, and that [I] would have found it too trashy' when we used to go to the cinema all the time. I replied to that by saying 'f*** off if you're going to keep using that over and over again' and she said 'yeah, p*ss off'. We haven't spoken since (3 days ago), and that's completely not natural as we speak every day.
To be honest, I feel a bit jealous that she spends less time with me, and more with our other mutual friend. She will also be very secretive about it. When I ask her what she has been up to all day, she will reply 'just went out'. I then say 'with whom?' and she wont reply, then eventually change the subject by saying something like 'just a friend. I'm so tired, I want to go to sleep' etc.
She also moved city for college and didn't tell me?! At all?! She only told me after she dropped out after a few days!
In all, I feel as if she is very secretive about little stuff which I wouldn't care about. I also constantly feel we are at war with each other. I've spoken to her about all of this before, but she either brushes it off or apologises only for it to start all over again the next week.
She also posts a lot of stuff on her blog, which I feel is sometimes targeted to me. e.g. "you pretentious ass, do you really think that you're above everyone else?" etc etc. Upon my approaching her about it, she just shrugs it off, saying it's about someone else?
Is it now time to just let this friendship die out? I've spoken to her about it, and have tried to ignore and shrug off what she says/does, but it's upsetting. Has it come to a natural end?
I could go on, but I don't want you to be put off by the length of my question, so please answer if you can. All advice will be very much appreciated. Thank you in advance.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Friendships are like relationships they will never work unless both parties are willing to put in effort. Your "friend" clearly seems to have moved on but keeps you around encase plan A doesn't work out. Basically yes, You are a back up plan and someone she is trying to use in ways if it is only beneficial to her.
This girl doesn't seem to value your friendship, From what you have described she is rude, selfish and sketchy to some extent. Sometimes people grow apart but in the end life moves on. I was friends with someone for 14 years and then over a course of 3 months we just grew apart, She did her own thing I did mine and almost all our conversations were disagreements. Yes, It sometimes sucks but it happens. Why would you be jealous of someone who doesn't seem to be honest with you and uses you for her own benefit? If she uses you, What makes you think she's not using this mutual friend?... After all when they stop talking she crawls right back too you. Basically, People cannot use you if you don't let them.
I would say stop contact and move on, Find someone who values your friendship and treats you with respect.
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Its a sad fact of life that sometimes friends grow and move on and grow apart. It sounds like you and your friend are going in different directions right now. You are growing and maturing and she is not. As a result, she sees all of her shortcomings and immaturity when she looks at your life and the decisions you make. It makes her feel bad because she knows she is on the right path. this has happened to me before. I think she is doing things with her time and her life that she knows are wrong and seeing you (even when you don't say anything about it) convicts her. She doesn't want to be reminded that whatever she is doing is bad for her. Maybe you just need to let her do her own thing right now. Try not to be angry, but just know that it is natural for people, even the best of friends, to grow apart sometimes. Some friendships are meant to serve a certain purpose for a certain time. Whatever her problem is, its not really with you. ITs with herself. She knows she is wrong and seeing you reminds her of it. Wish her well, talk to her when hear from her and try to make time to hang out when it feels right to you, but don't stress. You're growing and changing and as you mature you'll find more great friends who are on the same page as you.
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