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How to deal with sexual frustration?
Im 20/male and Im a virgin. I have had 4 girlfriends. My first one was when I was 16 and she was abstinent, we broke up because she said she liked another guy. My second one I met irl but she moved away so we were long distance and never were able to be together in real life, we broke up because the distance was too hard even though we were deeply in love. My third one was a abstinent as well, but she would grind on me alot and I would finger her, we broke up because her parents didnt like that I wasnt white. My fourth gf would grind on me alot and I would go down on her and finger her and gave her hundreds of orgasms(literally), but she said she wanted to wait till college to have sex, and she chose to go to college across country after dating me for a year. I havent even talked to a girl in over a year, nevermind touched one. My sex drive is now insanely low for a young male, and I maybe think about it once or twice a day and only masturbate once a week probably. I dont know how to get out of this current predicament...
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
The reason you're having trouble getting with another girl is that you are so desperate to get your dick wet that the girls can sense that neediness in you. That is a major turn off. My advice: relax and just let things happen in their own time. Like yourself and have the attitude that if someone wants to hitch their wagon to you, great, if not, no big deal.
As for sex drive, that can come and go. Don't overthink it. You'll be fine as long as you just relax and don't try so damned hard.
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Added onto what the first user already said..
If you want to find a real relationship then I would start looking to date girls in another area, Meaning not long distant relationships, Not one that will moving away, Not one that is all about sexual pleasures for her own benefit. If you have mutual friends try and set up a date when you can all hang out as a group and maybe they can tag some people along. One of the best ways to get to know someone is through friends, If you want to meet someone you have to put yourself out there. Be assertive and try to find a girl that you can see yourself being compatible with. Get to know them as friends first and if you two seem to hit it off then work your way into a relationship.
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I’m going to be real blunt with you because, I have seen this to many times. I bet you are a really nice guy and truly respect whoever you are dating. The 16 year old, fucked that other guy, the long distance girl…hey you tried, that college girl was on some B.S. and is now getting her back beat out on a regular basis, and hey parents are going to be parents and some people are still ignorant to this day.
The problem is you, these females are getting what they need from you without having to give back anything in return, and its because YOU allow it. Sex is a mutual thing and a lot of people forget that. If you give her oral, then she needs to return the favor, if you finger her she needs to jack you off. And if they want to pull some of that I’m not good at it or do a bad job after the third or fourth time, they are hoping that you just say forget about it. When this happens you need not give them any more sexual favors and move on to the next one.
I think you need to be a little more aggressive and assertive, there is nothing wrong with being a nice guy but you do have to draw a line and let women know what you will and will not stand for, because they only respect power and if they can run over you and get away with murder they will or in your case bust several nuts and not have to really worry about getting you off……they will and as you can see they have.
1. Make yourself presentable at all times, haircut, clean shirt, matching, etc…..
2. Start a conversation with some of the prettiest girls you can find, most of them are insecure any way. Just general conversation, don’t make it weird. A simple hi or hello or you have beautiful eyes. Oh and make them laugh, as long as she laughs and it’s a genuine laugh you got her attention. Remember your time is valuable so don’t give it to her all at once…..make them miss your company.
3. Say what you mean and stand by it
4. If the conversation about sex comes up be very clear about what you want or expect and don’t waver from what you want.
5. I have a lot more to say but im tired of typing now, if you want more tips just let me know.
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