|
I am a 13 year old male who is not accepted by his peers. What can I do about this?
Hi.
I'm 13 and male. I am so different from all of my peers and most of them make fun of me. Today i found a typo in a book which we were reading and i pointed it put to a person iny group and she said tht is why people don't like me. How do i fix all of this and be accepted? Again, i'm vry different. I overuse the dictionary and listen to classical music. Plr
Please help! Ron777
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Here's what is going on, dude:
kids your age are really insecure and so they are very susceptible to herd behavior. And part of accepting the ethos of the herd is to be part of the punishment mechanism for that group of conformists. When you get a little older, read Erich Fromme's "Escape from Freedom."
Look, the only person you can be is yourself. You can't allow others to dictate who you are or you will end up one neurotic SOB. I was a brainy kid in school. In some areas of the country that is a problem to other people, in others not so much. I even had one of my bosses tell me that he brought a dictionary to work so that he could look up some of the words I used and this was a very intelligent dude with a college degree.
Yes, everybody wants to be liked because there is a certain security in being a member of the herd. But it is also people who see things a little differently that make this society progress. Look at Einstein: total social and academic loser for the early part of his life. Therefore, the proper attitude to take is, "well, this is what I am, if you want to hitch your wagon to it, great, but if not, your loss."
And by the way, things get a shitload better when you go to college. So don't get depressed because anything that happens before college DOES NOT COUNT FOR CRAP! Take that to heart and get on with your personal agenda.
]
Please don;t worry about those "friends". If they were really your friends thy would NOT laugh at you and WOULD accept you for who you are. Please just be yourself and do'nt change because you want to be accepted. Try to find friends that accept you for who and what you are. You are a very special person. Everyone is a special person and has good qualities and i just want you to remember that.
hope i helped
I'm hear for you and for anyone
blr51697
]
Okay. I can give you advice from your future, 10 years later. Yes, I was that kid. I was too smart for my own good, read the Iliad when everyone else was reading Goosebumps, that sort of thing. I may sound a little harsh, but that's because I wish someone had taken me by the shoulders when I was a kid and given me a good shake. My life would have been a lot easier.
It's not just being the smartest kid in class. The smartest kid in my class in high school was also the class president and extremely popular. It's being the weird smart kid.
It's fine to have quirks. Listening to classical music? That will make you cool and give you +1000 hipster points a few years down the road. I collect fossils. Weird "smart" hobbies won't make you disliked. So that's good news! You don't have to change who you are.
The intelligence is really the issue here. But wait! I'm not telling you to dumb yourself down. It's all about knowing your audience. If you start using polysyllabic words around people who don't know what they mean, they won't be thinking "My goodness, what a smart young man that Ron777 is!" They'll be thinking "That Ron777 is a dick, because he keeps using big words to make himself sound smarter than I am."
If you were to write a children's book, you'd have to use different language from a dissertation, would you not? So use different language when talking to adults, to your peers, to your smart friends.
To help you connect more with your peers, I'd suggest giving the mainstream a chance. Did you know that there are some pretty killer classical music covers of regular music? Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin translate particularly well. There's a band called Apocalyptica that covers the music of Metallica with cellos. Or movie or video game soundtracks! You might find that if you don't dismiss certain things as being "low-brow" you may enjoy more. I'm as much a fan of classical as the next person, but even I can get into the occasional catchy Top 40 song. That's just using music as an example.
Just know that it is important to fit in with your peers and that does require modifying your behaviour slightly. That's a lesson I didn't learn until later, and I suffered a lot in the name of being myself. You will find that there are adults who get huffy when they encounter someone who is smart... and you'll know how to deal with them :)
]
It's tough being the smartest kid in the class. That is not a reason to change yourself to fit in or to fit what other people think is the right way to be. If you do try to change yourself to pleas others you will be miserable.
I know at your present age this means you will have some lonely times as friendships are to make and maintain. As the other adviser said few if any of these other kids will be around to be adult friends as in a few years you will all go your separate ways. Many of you will go off to college. A few will go into the military and the remainder will try and make their way in the working world.
Ever her the term; "Knowledge is Power." It is a very true term. The more you know, the more you learn the more power you have. The better job(s) you will find or be offered. The better life you will make for you and your family. So don't be embarrassed or ashamed of the fact you are smarter than anyone else. Later in life the kids you know will come to envy you.
As for making friends today;I suggest you do the following. Make a list of those things you like or have interests in, such as classical music. Then number those things in order of mist important to you. Once you have this list made look for groups or clubs with these interests. Clubs like a book club or music club. Here you will find people with similar interests as you which will make for a good foundation on which to build a friendship.
Making yourself over to be something someone else wants you to be is wrong. You will be miserable and those that you make yourself over for will still not accept you.
]
Firstly your 13. These "friends" aren't going to be your friends forever - so don't even bother trying to change yourself for them. Have you thought about they need to change - and if you asked them to, would they? NO, so don't you change. You're great.
You and your "friends" have different interests and that's fine. You don't need to fix anything, why would you want to be accepted by people who can't accept the real you?? If you change they are only accepting the fake you.
I would suggest you keep being your lovely self and try to find other friends with similar interests. You like classical music? Ever thought about learning an instrument, there are always classical music groups at school or around the local area. I don't what other interests you have but I suggest you join a few groups and find some new friends. You have nothing to lose. If you don't like it - don't go back.
]
More Questions: |