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Threesome? Why not?
Hey all, 24f here, my boyfriend is 23.
This is such a weird question for me to ask, but why not?
We haven't been together too long (a few months), but we've known each other for almost 10 years, so there's a lot of history and a lot of trust. Being that there's a lot of trust/openness and honesty, we've started talking about fulfilling sexual fantasies. I'm still trying to figure out what mine are, having never had the chance to explore that, but one of his is, as most guys, to have a threesome with another girl.
He wants me to pick the girl so it's someone I'm comfortable with. I tried to be open to a couple of his ideas, but when it came down to it I was uncomfortable, and told him so. So, it's on me.
I've actually talked to a couple of my girl friends about this, but one of them is on a different continent for who knows how long, and another is currently in a relationship, though she's not happy... Don't worry, I'd never encourage someone to cheat on their significant other.
I really actually WANT to do this with my boyfriend. My only stipulations were "she has to be clean and tested."
I'm just kind of wondering, has anyone had experience with this kind of stuff? Has anyone successfully had a threesome and had a good experience? Bad experience? How did you initiate? How did you set it all up? That kinda stuff. I need ideas. I've never done this before...
Thanks for your feedback!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
There is no obligation for you to follow through on your boyfriend's fantasies. And generally speaking, threesomes, more often than not, lead to the dissolution of the relationship because it is like introducing a new element into the chemistry you have together and causes it to blow up in your face.
Look, I have nothing against threesomes per se and I've been around the block quite a bit, But I'm just telling you what the risk is. You have to know what you're getting into. Threesomes for men tend to be centered around having as much tits and ass on them during a sex session as possible. There isn't any lovemaking involved. It is just sex. Now if you're fine with that then go for it. But if not, it might put a strain on your relationship.
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The operative words in everything you have written are these; "but when it came down to it I was uncomfortable, and told him so. So, it's on me."
When it comes to sex between two consenting adults I believe almost anything is possible as long as you follow certain rules.
The first and most important rule is both partners must be freely be willing to participate in whatever the other has asked to try. You in your own words have stated you are uncomfortable with a threesome. Yes you said the other girl must be "clean and be tested." This is not consent or consenting.
You have reservations about participating in a threesome. Until you resolve any issues YOU have about this I would suggest you not participate.
Should you decide to go ahead and participate, rule number two becomes very important. Rule number two is that no means NO and stop mean STOP. Stop means stop what your doing right now. Even if you initially consent to doing something once anyone, you, him the other girl says stop; all activities cease. To continue is RAPE.
These two rules work very well for any sexual activity you and anyone you chose to have sex with. Consent by both parties is very important, anything else is RAPE. No and stop means NO and STOP; anything else is RAPE.
It doesn't matter if any of us have had and enjoyed a threesome or any other sexual activity. We are all different in are make up and sexual likes and dislikes. To ask us about this is sort of like asking us if we liked jumping off bridges(bungee jumping). Would you jump off a bridge just because I did and liked it. I doubt it, you would have to overcome your own fears first.
My advise to you is to say no to a threesome for now; I don't think you are comfortable enough to participate in one and should not do so just to placate your boy friend.
Keep in mind the two rules I wrote about and use them to guide you and I believe you will have wonderful sex life ahead of you.
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One of the main things you should bare in mind are it's not just something you know you are okay with but mentally would you be able to handle it.
There are pros and cons
Are you okay with sharing your boyfriend with another women? I know you both stated that you trust one another but what would happened if he started to develop feelings for her too? or what if perhaps she started to develop feelings on her end? I have never experienced a threesome personally but from people I know who have it wasn't as great as they expected it too be. I'm not saying don't do it but in my personal opinion I think I would pass on this one and find something else to try out.
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