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Can't Stand "Friend"
I'm on the girl's Division I basketball team at a very highly esteemed school, athletically and academically. The girls on the team are really close and we're kind of close with some on the guy's team too (I'm trying harder to make more guy friends).
In the past year, there has been some drama/cattiness among the girls. There's one girl (Kerri) whom I'm sort of friends with, she's really close with a girl I used to be close with but turned out not being very nice either. Kerri is usually nice to me, but has never really shown much of an interest in being close with me, so we're kind of only aquaintences. We're together pretty much all the time. The reality is, I absolutely can't stand her. She's really one of the most irritating people I've ever met. I could write a book on the problems I have with her but in short, she's a busybody, she has a HUGE superiority complex when trust me, she is in no place to have one, she acts like she's friends with people she's not friends with and fawns over them like there's no tomorrow, she's a social climber, premeditates who she's going to try and be friends with, she's very competitive...I think you get the idea.
She and I are both very academically inclined and serious about our playing. I have to admit, I've been a bit more successful than her in basketball because I'm taller and some aspects of my technique are stronger. She may be a bit stronger than me academically. Ugh, see, I'm doing it right now. I CANNOT HELP but feel in competition with her all the time. I feel competitive not only about those things, but even more so, about making friends. It gives me anxiety when she makes new friends, especially on the guys team, when people give her attention, I HATE it. The fact that she completely fawns over certain people to become friends with them drives me nuts and right now a couple of people love her and give her tons of attention they don't give me and I hate it. but I have NO reason to feel this way because people like me too! There are people who give me more attention than her or equal amounts. But there's this inner drive in me that is desperate for her to be jealous of me and wish she was me. It's foolish, and petty, and not nice but I cannot make these desires go away.
Perhaps the fact that she has such a superiority complex over me bothers me so much because she is in no place to think of herself as better than me. Maybe it bothers me that, she picks who she's going to try and be friends with and she's never shown much of an interest in trying to be friends with me because she thinks I'm stupid, or irresponsible, or just not cool enough (I know she doesn't hold me in the high, "special" regard she does other people), or maybe that she's so close with my ex-close friend, who's very similar to her. I always feel like I have to prove myself to her and I don't know why. We're in a lot of classes together and every time I'm around her, whether it be in class, in practice, at a game, etc. she annoys the HELL out of me. The way she acts doesn't just annoy me, it deeply bothers me and causes me stress and anxiety. She puts me in a bad mood and makes me feel like shit just by being herself. Another thing is that I feel like I can't ever be close with people she's close with because I don't like her and maybe it's my imagination but there's kind of a schism.
The way I'm thinking is absolutely immature and terrible but I cannot help it. I don't need help with confronting my own faults in the situation because I know what they are. I need help with getting rid of them. I want to be able to brush her off and not care about what she thinks of me and the things she says and does and her immense annoyingness. HOW do I do this??? I'm trying but it's not working. I need a new way to look at the situation. And trying to be close with her is 1) not even possible (I know her and KNOW she wouldn't want to be, partly because of our general friends situation, and 2) would bottle up my negative feelings and make it worse. I vent to her to my other friend who doesn't like her either but this doesn't make me feel better. I want to not care so much about her but I don't know what to do. It's taking a toll on me emotionally and giving me anxiety. I can't deal with this for the next 3 years. PLEASE help :'(
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I know someone exactly like who you described! She's so competitive, constantly tries to act like I'm foolish or immature and is a complete know-it-all, and drives me crazy. I still get worked up about her sometimes-but I have found a way to not care about her. What I thought to myself was, why the hell am I trying to be friends with this person??? She makes me feel terrible and is a total bitch. I simply tried to stop caring about her. Why would I want to waste my time thinking about some annoying person? I stopped competing around her, just acted like I didn't really care. And honestly, I just talked to other people and stopped caring about her. There's a ton of really stupid people in this world that make you feel like crap, but I can tell you that that behavior won't get them anywhere. They only hold you back if you let them get to you, and don't let that happen! You need to move forward and push past her. Don't let her waste your time. Good luck and hope I helped! I know how you feel! :)
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is there things in her you see in yourself and thats why your focusing on her..?maybe she very insecure that why she try so hard.iet her do her thing dnt wory youself!
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Go to a therapist. They will know what is going on in your head and they are the only ones that can tell you how YOU can fix it. Cuz i can sit here and list all of the things that I would do but that won't help you at all. So you should just go to a therapist and tell him every single detail there is, don't leave anything out. Or talk to someone who is very close to you and ask their opinion. You don't have to deal with it. I don't know what else i can say.
I hope i helped and good luck.
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