|
How can I get over my past?
I'm a 21 year old Indian female. For a few days now my past has been haunting me which includes the following: 1. I had a boyfriend for 2 years and he was a great guy and we were as intimate as is possible (which even resulted in something terrible which i think you can guess)so anyway we broke up a year back and now i feel very regretful about everything that happened between us...i mean at that time it felt right. The reason for my guilt is also the fact that in my culture and family such intimacy is not allowed, so every time i speak to my folks i feel like a criminal; 2.Since i was so sure of being with my boyfriend forever and i was the one who initiated the break up i have started hating myself as i could not keep the promise of commitment.And now i don't think I'll be able to handle another guy again. I'm really sad and disturbed please help me.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
This is a difficult answer as your reticence 'tell all' means no-one knows what really happened to you and your boyfriend. Also culture comes into it, a strong influence on most things we do.
Whatever happened in the past is gone, nothing you can do will change it, all that's left is regrets.
You did it, it felt right. Trust your instincts of that time and try to forget it.
Your guilt won't change anything except how you feel and behave now.
As to commitment, you're still young. Give yourself time to get over the boyfriend and the loss of the life you dreamed you'd have together. Whatever reasons led you to initiate the break-up might have been right, some instinct drove you to it, who knows. Get on with life as best you can, enjoy time with family and friends without worrying about finding another boyfriend, learn about yourself and what you like to do.
You'll get there if you give yourself time and love to heal. Let me know how you get on?
]
I have the same problem answering the questions of Christians who feel guilty about sex as I do with yours.
Namely, you've been raised to have these reactions. Raised in a culture where they think you're supposed to feel this way, and where they'd probably encourage these feelings hoping that you correct the behavior out of guilt and shame.
I don't know how to untwist that without you actively wanting to walk away from what you've been taught.
I was raised to believe that sex outside of marriage is shameful. I was raised to th ink of sexuality itself as a private, shameful thing that only people who are married tolerate in each other and which you are indecent if you share it with someone else without that loving commitment. Basically, you love someone in spite of their sexuality and not because of it.
I have always felt that such teachings are straight up evil. That teaching people to feel shame for their natural desires and the intimacy that results is disgusting, perverse, and shameful in and of itself. I conflicted with my family because I have pretty much always felt the exact opposite from them and I love my wife because of her sexuality and the way we share it.
We both have had partners other than each other. I am content with my sexual history and hers. In fact, I would not have been interested in her if she hadn't been sexually experienced and somewhat confident before we met. I also do not see the world as most other people do.
The closest I have to an answer is that you need to realize that nothing about what you did was wrong or evil, that you are no worse a person for being intimate and breaking up than you were when you were a child, innocent of all things sexual.
You need to want to realize that these things you have been taught are wrong. I do not know if you do. There is nothing wrong with intimacy and your culture is backwards and wrong, and I realize that simply saying that makes me an incredibly arrogant person.
I am also right, and I could give a shit less about being arrogant.
Ultimately the answer lies within accepting yourself for who you are, what you want, and accepting that following your heart and sometimes your vagina does not make you a bad person the way you have been taught it makes you a bad person. If you can do that, you can get over it. If you can't, then maybe time will help you forget and you will eventually find a guy you love and forgive yourself when you have sex with that man who becomes your husband.
Beyond that the answers you seek lie entirely within yourself, good luck with figuring yourself out.
]
well, you can't go back and change the past, so learn to live with it. I've done some really messed up things before, but since I don't have a time machine, there's no point in me wasting my life feeling guilty about it. Same with you. move on, and it won't bother you as much.
-Gunner
]
You past is haunting you because you haven't been able to come to terms with what happen, accept it, and forgive your self to move on. I'm guessing you got pregnant, what happen? I know how you feel because I went through almost the same with my ex and til this day my parents don't mention it and if they do it's a screw up or mistake I made. But you have to talk about it, you have to learn to forgive yourself and accept things the way they are and accept that things happen the way they did. But most importantly talk about it. If you need to vent or anything. Feel free to message me. I'll listen and help as much as I can.
]
More Questions: |