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Now that I got my grades back, I am feeling suicidal
Well yeah I am feeling suicidal,
I just completed my ALevels in the UK and got my results about 2 weeks ago. I didn't do as well as I expected.
I literally worked so so so hard and at the end of it I didn't achieve the grades I needed to get into the medicine course at University.
The problem is all I've ever wanted to be was a doctor and I tried soso hard and just didn't make it. In the 2 years it took to do my alevels every single failure has just upset me more and more and now I really don't see the point in life.
Being a doctor means everything to me. The reason being, I lost quite a close fried just before I started alevel course and he commit suicide. This rereally upset me and I've talked about his death to my girlfriend at the time and still my girlfriend for over a year. I know that all I've wanted to do since that point is I wanted to be a doctor to help kids who feel like that.
I turned 18 a few months back and I have felt this feeling ever since I realised I can't do medicine. Its all I want to do, I've asked universities to accept me up to the point of begging but I understand that it will never happen.
My parents are v.supportive and told me to keep at it and as I asked them I told them make sure I stay in the house and just keep working till I get there. But realistically from the 2/3 weeks ago I got my results I know it will never happen and I just don't know what is the point in living this life when I am just empty.
Idk why I am posting on here I just feel like I need someone to talk to:/
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Sometimes life's plan for us unfolds differently from what we may have wanted. Almost always it turns out far better. You may not become a doctor but that doesn't mean you still can't have a rewarding career helping troubled kids or those in need of support and or care.
If you really want to help kids look into career paths where you can do that which don't require a medical degree. Social work for instance. More specifically you could be a Child and Youth Worker who has a case load in schools with at risk students and their parents and helping them succeed. You would be taking psych courses for this but not needing to be a doctor or on that path.
There's a lot you can do even if you don't go to medical school. Suicide isn't an answer even when something profoundly disappointing comes along. It's a high price to pay and sure enough all problems are solvable and temporary although they may not yield swiftly.
As for your friend I know he/she would want you to succeed and that even if you weren't a doctor that's okay. They would know you would do something incredible with the skills you have to help kids in his/her position anyway.
What I want you to do is talk to a teacher you trust and tell them that you worked your ass off in A-levels but still didn't earn high enough to be a doctor. Tell them what you dream to do for kids and see if they know a career path you could take to achieve those goals while not being a doctor. You may be surprised at how many choices you have that you may not have even been aware of. There's always more than one way to achieve what you wanted and to make an impact.
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I live in America, but my experiences in high school were similar to yours. I was a perfectionist, and if I didn't get straight A's in everything, I felt like a failure. My school had very high expectations and my teachers kept telling me that we had to do our absolute best or we wouldn't get into a good college. To most students in our school, not getting into a good college was basically equivalent to failing at life. I believed it, and ended up overworking myself to the point where I had to drop out.
The therapist I saw in high school told me that, all too often, we lock ourselves into one 'ideal future' and lose the ability to see all the alternate paths. You want to get into medical school; I wanted to get perfect grades, get into a great college, and achieve my idea of success. But when that one ideal future is disrupted, we don't know what to do with ourselves. If it's all you've ever seen yourself doing, and now it isn't an option, where do you go from there? What do you do?
Part of the solution is widening your idea of 'success' and keeping alternative plans to fall back on. At this point, I have dropped out and moved around rather often. By my old standards, I have failed multiple times, and it is frustrating as hell. But when one thing doesn't work, I try something else. So far, I have managed to graduate high school on time and enroll in college. I got into a 'prestigious university', but ended up dropping out. Now I'm enrolled in another an thoroughly enjoying my classes.
You say you want to be a doctor so you can help kids who feel like your friend did, so I'm assuming you want to go into psychiatric medicine. I don't know how it works in the U.K., but in America you don't have to go to medical school to become a counselor, therapist, or social worker. They can work in schools, private practices, homeless shelters, community health centers...there are plenty of possibilities. And even if these possibilities don't exist in the U.K., that doesn't mean you have to give up your dream. I'll never get through med school and I don't know if I'm reliable enough to become a counselor, but I can still help people online, or make sure lonely people have someone to talk to, or help desperate people find a non-fatal solution to their problems.
And if you still have your heart set on becoming a doctor, you still have options. Based on my web searching, it seems that plenty of people do apply to med school in the U.K. after earning another degree. Here is one such person:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
So don't give up yet. Apply to universities and study something else, perhaps something that will help you later on in a medical career (like biomedical science). When you've finished that you can try again to get into a medical course. And if you still aren't accepted, you will still have a solid degree and plenty of options. Don't give up so soon!
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to the above,
I contacted the univetsites and after several conversations they said "we cannot consider you under any circumstances"...
There isnt a realistic possibility to reapply. When I did ask over email the support staff tthay answered just said "no you have been rejected there is no chance you'll get into this or pretty much any other university for medicine. Good luck though"
I just don't see the point on living this life when o know my only real goal was to be a doctor.
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Your 18 and you want to end your life because you don't get into medical school. Here in the good old USA you can't even apply to medical school for another 4 years until you complete an undergraduate course at a 4 year university.
To be a doctor in the USA you need to complete 4 years of undergraduate school, take the MSAT exam and score a grade high enough to qualify for the limited number of openings that year. Then complete 3 years of medical school, 1 year of Internship, which is still really the 4th year of medical school. Then you need to complete a residency program. If you hit each bench mark on schedule someone your age may get to start their practice at age 28.
Many good doctors do not get in to medical school the first time they apply. Some have to retake the MSAT exams several times before they score an acceptable grade. The MSATS are scored on a curve. If you take a test that has been around for some time you can score really low even if you answer most of the question correctly, whereas if it is a new test you can answer many questions wrong and score high.
If you really want to be a doctor you won't give up. A doctor who doesn't give up makes the best doctor. A doctor who doesn't give up keeps working to find the answers or solution. Consider this your trial by fire. Keep trying until your are accepted. Then work your ass of to be the best you can be.
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