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Dealing with an affair
I recently found out my wife had an affair with my brother about 12 yrs. ago. Not sure if I should confront her about it or not. Feel like I've played a fool for a long time. Unsure what to do.
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I sort of disagree with Adviceman
Whether it was a one time or not, I'd still confront her but that is just me. Cheating on someone puts a scar in your relationship/marriage no matter if it was just a one night stand or not.
Everyone has different opinions on cheating......Mine is a zero tolerance no what, ifs or and's about it.
One thing you would need to bare in mind is that if you do decide to confront your wife, Know that it may not all go over so well, She could end up denying it.....and from there on your trust with her will be in the gutter. Ignoring the situation can only put thoughts into your head and you would likely always be wondering "Has she only cheated once?, Will she cheat again? Can I trust her? etc." Personally, I wouldn't want to ignore the situation to live in what could possibly be nothing but lies. If she were to deny the whole thing again you would only know then that your wife still to this day cannot be trusted. If you feel you can overcome it and you trust your instincts that she is being faithful and will from here on out then try and put it behind you but my opinion....I'd confront her about to see whether she is willing to openly admit it and if she is in denial then she's gone. This all depends on how accepting you are of the situation of course.
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This is a tough question to answer. I think I know how you must feel just discovering your wife cheated on you and knowing it was your brother of all people it is twice as devastating.
Not knowing how long you and your wife have been married complicates my answering you.
If it is a one time thing that is over and your wife had been loyal to you ever since; if I were you I think I would not confront her with this. Confronting her would only hurt what you have now. The one I would confront, possibly is your brother for I think he is the cop-able one in this situation.
Why? Simply that if your wife has been faithful ever since then to my way of thinking your brother must have been the aggressor in this affair. If I were you and I felt I must confront someone I would confront my brother and in doing so tell him to; one stay away from your wife, two this conversation stays between the two of you three say whatever else you feel you have to say to him.
Like I said it is most likely your brother that has played you for a fool. If you feel you must say something to your wife then I suggest you also consider joint marriage counseling. I don't think you should throw the last 12 years away over something you just found out. Especially if this was a one time thing perpetrated by your brother.
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